


Time and Times

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Curious and loyal Orochi, Freaked out Naruto, Gen, Good Danzo, Naruto is doomed to be traumatized by various timelines and time travels, No Root, Time Travel, references to graphic violence, various pairings - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-04-21 11:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14284032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Naruto's little sister knocked him into one of his father's experimental time travel scrollsagain.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry.

Naruto is ….well, time-lost, he supposes. Hopefully it’s only a week or two.

Not that he expects his luck to be that good. Kami knows, the last time he’d fallen through one of his dad’s space-time scroll experiments that are scattered all over the place like incidental booby traps, he’d ended up 300yrs in the future. And some _madman_ had believed that he’d actually travelled through time (without being told) on the basis of his name alone, because apparently his dad’s experiments are _famous_ in the future and Naruto himself is famous for one of those economic treaty things his dad is always pawning off on him. So he spent _two years_ being lauded as a famous hero by the folk of the future, who apparently have no problem believing in time travel and think it’s _great_ , until his dad had finally managed to track down _which_ experimental scroll he’d lost his oldest child through and retrieve him.

The time-lost thing happens to him all too often. It’s not the first time, by far, that his little sister has tripped and knocked him into a lurking scroll that’s just finished enough to activate on accident. He’s even been knocked into other _timelines_ often enough to kind of know how they mostly go. He’s endlessly grateful that his ditzy dad managed to rescue his mother _before_ she gave birth in their timeline. The massive reduction in overall hassles is startling and so much easier to live with than many of the other tragic or half tragic versions.

Still, this place he recognizes as being near Konoha, and the landscape looks pretty close to what it should be for the time. With a sigh, he picks himself up and goes to check.

At first, he bears hope that he really _is_ only a little out of sync in his own timeline, because Orochimaru is one of the gate guards and that’s _rare_ among the timelines he’s been in besides his own. Then he realizes that the ninja don’t recognize him. Great. Just great. In his own timeline, _everyone_ recognizes him as the son of the Hokage, even if he doesn’t know them, because of his reputation as the sane, friendly one in the family.

So, a different timeline. Possibly. The question is: When?

Orochimaru is no clue, given that he’s weirdly ageless.

“So, stranger. Who are you to wear the Leaf’s hitai-ate?” Orochi’s voice is just as creepy as he remembers it, but that’s no surprise. Villain or not, creepy is just who he is in any timeline.               

Naruto sighs and scratches his head in frustration. “Naruto Uzumaki. I’m from a different timeline. Probably. Is Minato Namikaze still alive?”

Orochi shifts stance, radiating curiosity. “Indeed not. Different timeline, you say?”

Of course he’d be interested in that. Minato didn’t start with his insane experiments until Naruto was six, and if he’s dead here, he probably never got around to them. At least it’s Orochimaru, who will believe something this outrageous.

“Yeah. Since dad’s dead here, I’m going with it’s a different timeline.”

“Your father?” Orochi tilts his head just slightly. “Namikaze? Truly? You introduced yourself as an Uzumaki.”

Naruto shrugs. “My parents agreed I’d take her last name because there’s so few left of the clan, and my siblings would take his. So. Where are we in your timeline? Has Danzo betrayed the village yet? Is Root still active? Have the Uchiha been killed yet?”

The other gate guard chokes and regards him with horror. Orochi’s expression of curiosity intensifies. “The Uchiha are alive and well. I have never heard of Root. And why would the fifth Hokage betray the village?”

The first two are relieving and startling enough that it takes a couple moments for Naruto to process the question. He blinks. “Wait. Danzo’s the Hokage!?”

“Yes. He was selected after the 4th Hokage, Minato Namikaze, died in the process of sealing the Kyuubi back into Danzo’s wife-to-be, Kushina Uzumaki, saving her life in the process.”

Naruto pales at the thought of little half siblings running around here who have _Danzo_ as their father. “Er. Do they have a lot of kids?”

Orochimaru’s eyebrows arch, and Naruto steps back on reflex.

“If you lick me, I will punt you into next week.” He threatens, also on reflex.

“You don’t say?” Orochi looks amused. “As it happens, Kushina died in childbirth a few years later, and Danzo has no children. You never answered why you thought the Hokage might betray the village.”

That’s a _huge_ relief. In no timeline does he ever want to be that closely related to _Danzo_ , even if he’s not a villain here.

And, okay, Naruto’s not particularly brilliant on a good day, but it sinks in that he needs to be careful here. To walk a line between truth and getting himself declared an enemy for insulting the _Hokage_. He shakes his head. “Well, this is the first timeline I’ve been in where he became Hokage. In every other timeline I’ve encountered, even my own, he chose to work behind the scenes to grasp power. In some he was stopped early. In others far, far too late. In quite a number of them, he was the reason behind _you_ becoming a missing nin who came back later to destroy the Leaf.”

Orochi blinks, for the first time a trace of offense and shock overriding his curiosity. “I am loyal to the Leaf.”

Naruto shrugs. “You are in my timeline too.”

There’s a minute of silence as Orochi regards him thoughtfully. “Ah. And the Uchiha?”

He winces. “Well, in almost every timeline that Danzo wasn’t stopped early on, the Uchiha were ostracized, planning to rebel, and Danzo convinced Itachi to help kill them. Only Itachi, his little brother, and a few missing Uchiha who were thought dead prior to that survived.”

The other guard moves as if to go report this as a threat, but Orochi raises a hand to stay him. “And how old was little Sasuke at the time?”

Naruto blinks at the question, but this is Orochi and he’s good at detail questions. “About six? Seven? I think.”

“Ah. Well, I think you can rest easy on that score then. Sasuke is around the age you appear to be, now, and Itachi is clan head as of a year ago. He’d hardly murder the clan he’s responsible for.”

Huh. Well, that’s a relief.

“Good to know. Uh. The Kyuubi? Who has it now?” He really hopes whoever it is isn’t treated as badly as so many versions of himself were in other timelines.

Orochimaru startles him by straight up pouting. “It died with her.”

“Uh.” That could be bad if Obito and Madara were around in this timeline. “I hate to ask, but… Are you sure Madara and Obito are dead?”

Again Orochi raises his brows. “Madara is reportedly dead. As for Obito, he runs a bookshop despite only having one eye. Kakashi and Rin managed to stuff him into a storage scroll long enough to get him off the battlefield, and it miraculously didn’t kill him. It did a few odd things to his personality, but Tsunade insisted that it’s trauma not brain damage.”

“Oh. That’s- That’s good. Um.”

“How long do you plan to stay in Konoha?”

Naruto squeaks, which is embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as the fact that _he doesn’t know_. “Er…? Until my dad figures out with experiment my sister knocked me into, and how to reverse it? I mean. It varies. So.”

“Until retrieval.”

“Yes.”

“Understandable. We’ll issue you a visitor’s pass ‘until retrieval’. What level nin are you?”

“Um. Tokubetsu jonin. I’m good with seals. Not as good as dad, but I spend too much time helping him with paperwork to have time to do much in the way of regular missions.” And given that his mom still has the Kyuubi, he’s not nearly as strong and energetic as most of his counterparts. He’s a little envious sometimes, generally when his dad’s assistant has dumped two feet of paperwork on his desk because his dad is in the middle of another experimental scroll and no one is quite brave enough to interrupt that after the first few times. Still, it’s not like he’s a slouch as a ninja. He is his parents’ son, after all. He even managed to take out that crazy demon-god version of himself that one time.

Admittedly, by recreating that one trap seal of his dad’s that was conceived after a weeklong bender of excitable scroll experimentation and no sleep. The one even his _mother_ was horrified by enough to forbid it ever being used again. The one that was _supposed_ to be used as a mousetrap. The one his little sister had been checking on hopefully when a Kiri nin decided to try kidnapping her and made the mistake of stepping on it. The one that viciously used the victim’s own chakra to basically _atomize_ them. They’d had to scrape samples off the wreckage and put them under a microscope to tell which bits had been bone and which were blood. The only reason they’d ever figured out who had sent him was because Kiri started querying threateningly about their missing nin. At Orochi’s suggestion, they’d sent back what they could scrape up in a soup cup, with a note that read:

                **_*Sorry, the mouse trap got him when he tried to grab my daughter. –Minato Namikaze, 4 th Hokage*_**

Needless to say, Kiri dropped the threats after receiving it.

And the demon-god version of himself hadn’t fared any better than the Kiri nin had, although it had taken Naruto literal months to reconstruct the trap seal and size it up to work on something with that much chakra. He still had screaming nightmares about it.

“The Hokage may wish to speak to you, but it is unlikely.” Orochi continued, bringing him back to the now. “If you are willing to lend your skills to C and B rank missions, you can stay with Sasuke Uchiha. He’s been looking for a roommate.”

Naruto blinks several times. “Sasuke isn’t…married? I mean, yes, I’ll take missions.”

Orochimaru’s lip curls a little. “Really? That emo child? Married? Hardly. He’s far too lazy for that amount of commitment. I’ll give you his address.”

He suppresses a shiver that tries to work its way up his spine as Orochi makes out a visitor’s pass for him and fills in the bits that will allow him to work temporarily as a Konoha nin in this timeline. Sasuke? Lazy? That’s as outlandish as Danzo being the Fifth Hokage. This is a very weird timeline. He hopes his dad retrieves him _quickly_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add another chapter or two to this. No promises. None.
> 
> I think Naruto may be freaked out more by the idea of a lazy Sasuke than by the brief possibility of being related sorta kinda to Danzo.  
> Sasuke is actually lazy in this timeline, a chunin but only by the skin of his teeth. He rivals a young Shikamaru for lack of motivation.
> 
> Danzo in this timeline either chose to act differently at a couple key points in his life or felt differently about them, and was less inclined to start down that slippery slope. Also, Kushina has a big impact on keeping him on the straight and narrow. She just happened to go for older guys instead of young, flamboyant ones in this timeline. And after being Hokage a couple years, any thought of being unkillable was pretty much dead, because who the heck would want to deal with all the paperwork forever?  
> He also did not enable Orochimaru, and this version of Orochi happened to be one that stayed within legal bounds without that enabling.  
> I'm also convinced that Orochi must have a strong oral fixation to use his teeth and tongue the way he's renowned for in canon. I also think, that while he's not on Kakashi's level of trolldom, he's quite willing to casually traumatize people just to see their reactions and that would be something the less angsty versions of him would do quite often.  
> I decided to not give Kushina and Danzo kids for the simple reason that portraying them breaks my brain. haha.
> 
> Minato did make more than one of the ill-fated 'mousetraps', and even started to teach Naruto how. After the Kiri nin mess, they got rid of the rest by throwing fresh twigs on them, and all copies of the trap seal and descriptions of how to create it were destroyed to avoid any repeats by the curious in the future.  
> Naruto was able to approximate the trap seal when tossed into a timeline that was on the verge of going down in flames under the evil version of himself, but only out of desperation. Plus, he had to scale it up to deal with the chakra level equivalent of a demi-god, something not even Minato's accidentally evil trap seal could handle without burning out halfway. The result was that while it worked more or less the same, Naruto got pretty much fire-hosed with the explosion of chakra and since he's technically the same being as the gone-evil version of him, some of it stuck. So while he doesn't have the canon-Naruto's boundless energy and crazy amounts of fox chakra to pull on, he did get accelerated healing out of it. Not nearly as fast as canon-Naruto's, but about twice as fast as he did before that.  
> Because he never had to deal with all that prejudice growing up, and ended up doing a lot of his slightly-crazy dad's work as Kage so people would quit yelling about it, this version of Naruto grew up more thoughtful and politically savvy, and with a lot more techniques to begin with. Still a bit of a bonehead and far too straightforward by habit, with that surprising sneaky/prankish streak, though.  
> Minato occasionally only notices that Naruto got time-lost _yet again_ because people come scream at him if they can't find Naruto to do the paperwork. Although, of course, if he or someone else sees it happen he will immediately set about finding his oft-lost son.
> 
> Altering a storage scroll on the fly from something that only holds the inanimate, to something that can store the animate and something rather larger than originally intended is not recommended, but it's how Kakashi and Rin managed to get Obito out from under the rocks.  
> Obito still gave Kakashi his eye, because they all knew his chances of surviving the storage scroll trick were almost nil. Somehow they managed to get it right enough (despite not being skilled at it) that the scroll put his wounds in stasis until they were able to get to relative safety and take him out. Obito running a bookstore is because he more or less developed bibliophilia because of the scroll saving his life. (rolls eyes at crazy shinobi)


	2. Motivation or lack thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a tossup as to whether Sasuke or Naruto is more freaked out by the other, but Naruto's certainly better at hiding it.

Naruto notices as he watches Orochimaru fill out the temporary pass that he signs off on it as _Jonin Commander Orochimaru_ , and his eyes widen slightly. Even in his own timeline, the sannin is more interested in oddball experiments than in leading. Granted, going by all the villainous versions of him, Orochi definitely has the _capability_ , but what in Kami’s name is _up_ with this timeline? It gets weirder by the moment.

He notices as Orochi gives the other ninja a go-ahead gesture and the man slips off to report. Well, that at least is normal enough. And if this timeline is anything like his own and most of the others  he’s fallen into over the years, the ninja gossip circuit will have the news of a time traveler all over the city before he even reaches Sasuke’s apartment. Orochi writes out a short note and hands it over with the pass.

“Give that to Sasuke so the brat doesn’t try to ignore you.”

Stuffing both into a pocket, Naruto nods. “Thanks. Why is the jonin commander on gate duty?”

Orochi hesitates briefly, surprise flaring in his eyes, then winces slightly. “I lost a bet with Yamanaka Inoichi. He cheats.”

“Wow, and I thought Tsunade was the Legendary Sucker.” He blurts.

Fortunately, Orochi just gives him a droll look. “Oh, she is. I simply forgot the brat pals around with Shikaku.”

Naruto raises both brows, because that’s still a big oversight for a jonin commander. The Naras are _smart_. But hearing Inoichi called a brat reminds him of Orochi’s age. The man is not as young as he looks. “I see. Guess I’ll see you around then.”

Orochi tilts his head slightly, tacit permission for him to go find Sasuke, so he does.

~

He looks around while Sasuke reads Orochi’s note. This was not what he was expecting. This is the low end of chunin housing and fairly rundown at that. It’s hard to imagine finicky Sasuke being ok with living here, but he doesn’t actually have to imagine it. _‘That emo child? Married?’_ was apparently dead-on.

Sasuke has that emo-goth schtick going on, paired with enough ennui to rival Kakashi sensei when he’s bored stiff. And given what Naruto can see past his shoulder, the apartment is definitely a lazy bachelor’s pad. Ugh.

“So. Kushina Uzumaki’s son from a different timeline? _Really?_ ” Sasuke gives him a disbelieving, apathetic look.

Naruto beams at him. “Yup! I can’t believe you’re not married. Every other timeline I’ve been in, you’ve either been married, engaged, dead, or too young yet.”

“Dead.” Sasuke repeats blankly. Then eyes him with a hint of apprehension. “Married to whom?”

“Well, Sakura in some of them-”

 _“Sakura!?”_ Sasuke’s voice is full of horror.

Naruto shrugs. “She always was in love with you, and she’s as stubborn as you, so it makes sense I guess. Broke a lot of my counterparts’ hearts over it.”

Sasuke curls his lip. “Sakura’s never been in love with me. It was always Sai. They got married right after the chunin exams, of all things. Disgusting.”

“Oh, Sai! How is he doing here?” Naruto asks cheerfully, not fighting the amused grin curling his lips at the thought of _Sakura and Sai_.

He receives a flat look for his pains. “A flamboyant bastard. How did you think? Who else?”

“Ah… Ino.”

Sasuke full body shudders. “That harpy? No thanks.”

Naruto snickers, because this is too funny. “There was Hinata in a couple versions. Neji in one. Hm. And that really strange one where Gai sensei and Lee had an ongoing contest over you. That one was loud. Oh! And there was this one where you had a harem of adoring civilian fangirls who fought over who got to sleep with you that day. A few where you were married to some older woman, different one each timeline, and-”

“You are making this up.” Sasuke states with flat venom.

“Nope! I’m really not. Gotta say, the one where you married Lady Tsunade was pretty unnerving.”

The look of revulsion on Sasuke’s face is _totally_ worth revealing that one. Although the pair had been weirdly cute together. “She’s _old!”_

Huh. Maybe this version of Sasuke has never met Tsunade.

“Well, are you going to let me in?”

Sasuke glares at him. “I hate you. I’m only letting you in because the Jonin Commander ordered it.”

He pushes past Sasuke, who by his body language is just not going to move, “Yeah, yeah. You know, you’re the first lazy version of you I’ve met. Your housekeeping is _appalling_. How are you even a jonin with this mess?”

“I’m not.”

Stunned, Naruto turns to stare.

Sasuke slams the door and crosses his arms. “I only bothered to pass the chunin exams because Itachi got our father to let me move out if I did. It’s not like I have what it takes to be a jonin anyways.”

 _“Seriously!?_ Wow, I knew you have crappy self-esteem because Itachi’s an overachiever, but isn’t this taking it a bit far?”

“What do _you_ know of it?” Sasuke sulks.

Naruto’s eyes narrow, and he has to work to fight back a response that will have Sasuke trying to take off his head. They might be best friends in his own timeline, but even there he has the _touchiest_ temper. “I know that in almost every timeline I’ve visited, you’ve been one of the top jonin or well on your way to being one. Even the ones where you’d already died, you had a formidable reputation. You were even Hokage in a couple.”

“Me? Hokage?” Sasuke’s sulk turns into a sneer. “Like anyone would ever let a failed younger son near that office.”

Naruto rolls his eyes and he tosses a piece of trash at Sasuke. “Seriously. Don’t take your lack of motivation out on me. And find a trash bag. I will not live in a pig pen.”

Sasuke yelps as he dodges, then gives him an incredulous look before glancing around. “It’s not _that_ bad.”

“I’ll put trap seals on every piece of trash you leave around. Believe it.” Naruto is not at all sorry about the threat. His mother has pounded the value of good housekeeping into him so thoroughly that even his dad’s horrible disregard for it can’t overcome his neat-nic tendencies. He’s also _not_ going to be Sasuke’s housekeeper.

This garners him a wary look. “Trap seals?”

He beams at Sasuke, just to annoy him. “Seals are my specialty! I’m a tokubetsu jonin for a reason. I learned from my dad, but don’t worry, I won’t use the mousetrap one!”

“I don’t have mice.” Sasuke sounds a bit offended. “Your dad?”

“Orochi didn’t mention that? Minato Namikaze is my dad. Well, in my timeline. And the mousetrap one caught a hostile nin instead. It was a miscalculation. We had to scrape him off the walls to send the remains back to Kiri. I mean, there wasn’t even enough of him left to identify where he came from until Kiri complained he was missing, so I won’t use that one.” Naruto makes sure the cheer in his voice is turned up _all the way_.

Sasuke shudders and pales satisfyingly. He sounds a little strangled as he says, “Right. Trash bag.”

It’s weird to see Sasuke even vaguely terrified of him, but Naruto is well aware that Sasuke can and will bite back if he ever finds his backbone. Still, he’s not above enjoying it in the meantime. He hopes he finds it soon, though, because this spineless version of Sasuke is almost as creepy as Orochimaru is on a _bad_ day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orochimaru is good at knowing what makes people tick and how to motivate them. He'd probably be a very good jonin commander, if it was something he ever wanted.
> 
> The muse wandered off in the middle of the chapter. I don't even know.
> 
> I don't think Sai would be as creepy without Root's involvement in his life, and without Naruto around, he was the easy person to put as third on that team (cuz I'm lazy). Watching him and Sakura be loveydovey all the time was enough to put Sasuke off the notion of finding a girl of his own. And his parents' nagging only makes him more determined to not get involved with anyone.  
> I can totally picture Sasuke puffed up like a chick, all murder-face protective of Tsunade while she heals someone or moans over paperwork or intimidates some idiot. Itachi's reaction to that would be entertaining.
> 
> Between his parents, Naruto has this firm conviction that only things one's fixing or making should be left around, and even then it's questionable. He's had a lot of accidents because of his dad's spazzy scroll mess habits.


	3. Disparate Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi is creepy, Danzo is weirdly uncreepy

Naruto wakes from a nap where he was dreaming about the Uchiha forcing body parts on people, which has _got_ to be one of the most ridiculous dreams-  
  
Except, now that he’s awake, he’s actually hearing Sasuke saying, _“Nii-san, no! Nii-san, no!”_

He blinks, rolls out of bed, and shuffles into the main room sleepily, because that pleading tone isn’t something he hears from any version of Sasuke without good reason. Annnnd yup, there’s Itachi, pinning Sasuke in place and looking to be trying to… Naruto squints. Ah, trying to implant, well _merge_ , a second set of eyes with Sasuke’s by force.

“Wow, Itachi, I see you’re just as creepy as ever.” Itachi ignores him. “Excuse me. _Excuse me!”_

Itachi pauses and turns his head to look at him. “What do you want?”

“I thought it was policy to wait until _after_ someone got the Sharigan to implant the second set of eyes, or you risked outright blindness when it activates?”

There is a…pause as the brothers digest this.

“How did you know I haven’t activated it yet?” Sasuke demands.

“Oh, please.” Naruto rolls his eyes. “In my timeline you’re my best friend, so I think I know you pretty well. And almost every timeline I’ve been in, you’ve been friends or rivals with my counterparts. But one thing you _wouldn’t_ be if you’d lost or almost lost someone you’d thought you could’ve saved is _unmotivated_. That’s just not you. So since you’ve got less motivation than a slug in this timeline, it’s obvious even to me that you’ve never activated the Sharigan.”

Itachi sighs and backs off. “You could have started with that, otouto.”

_“You didn’t give me a chance to!_ ” Sasuke protests. “Besides, I didn’t know that about the blindness. Actually, why were you trying to put eyes on me anyways?”

Naruto facepalms and wanders into the kitchen to see if the cupboards contain anything. Trust the Uchiha to keep Sasuke in the dark and then expect him to know why they did things. Business as normal. He hopes that at least those were cultured tissue, not someone’s _actual eyes_. He’s heard enough rants from various Tsunades about the Uchiha semi-tradition of murdering their own loved ones for power and eyes because of _barbaric practices_ and _unhealthy misunderstandings_ about their own gifts.

At least he’s not too worried that Itachi murdered someone for them. He might be creepily obsessed with his younger brother’s well-being, but he does have a basic understanding of him on some level because of it. Sasuke’s not the type to take someone being murdered on his behalf well, so the eyes are probably donated ones the clan has preserved.

Naruto’s not exaggerating about the ‘creepily obsessed’ either. He’s an overprotective big brother himself, and he’s nowhere _near_ as bad as Itachi.

The cupboards are barren. He finally finds a very sad looking cup ramen left in an upper cupboard, so covered in dust that it was probably left by the previous resident, and settles for that. Sasuke wanders in looking pale while Naruto’s finishing off the ramen. Apparently he’s been enlightened as to his family’s legacy. “So. Did he tell you whose eyes they were?”

Sasuke blanches. “My great-aunt Sarada’s. Thanks for stopping Itachi.”

“Eh, no problem. Could be worse. In at least half the timelines I’ve been in, Itachi’s set you up to hate him just so you’d kill him and take his eyes. All so you wouldn’t go blind.”

“I- You- He- You’re really disturbing, you know that?”

“Not my fault your nii-san is disturbing.”

“Idiot.”

“Moron.”

Sasuke huffs, obviously not used to needing comebacks.

Naruto holds out a hand.

“What?”

“Food money. I’m going shopping.”

Sasuke frowns. “Where’d you even find the ramen?”

“Cupboard. Pretty sure it’s about ten years out of date. Money!”

“I’m out. Itachi pays for the apartment and I do some D ranks for eating out money.”

Naruto sighs. Looks like he’ll be seeing Danzo and taking missions sooner than he thought.

~

Danzo looks worn, his expression softer than any other version of him that Naruto’s had the misfortune of meeting. “So, you’re my Kushina’s boy from another timeline?”

Naruto just nods, because he’s fighting down nausea at the thought of his mother, any version of her, with this man, even if this version seems innocuous enough. He knows too much about what the other versions of Danzo have done or planned to feel otherwise.

“Are you planning to stay? You could be Hokage after me.”

He blinks and realizes that the man is feeling _paternal_. Oh. “Nope. I’d make my little sister cry if I did, and I’m not going to do that. Believe it!”

Danzo cracks a smile. “Now I believe you’re her son. A little sister, too? How did you end up here?”

“Yeah, she’s cute!” Naruto beams. “She bumped into me and I stepped on one of dad’s scrolls. He’s kind of insane about time travel research. Mom keeps yelling at him to quit leaving his scrolls around, but he keeps forgetting, so it happens a lot.”

“A lot.” He repeats, one thick black brow rising. “Well, I suppose I shouldn’t expect any different from Namikaze. He always was a bit eccentric. It’s good to know that Kushina’s doing well in your timeline, even if she’s with _him_.”

Naruto does _not_ say that it’s probably entirely Danzo’s fault that Kushina didn’t look twice at him in other timelines. He’s not quite that stupid.

“So, you want a mission. Our jonin captain says you are skilled with seals?”

“Believe it! I’d prefer escort missions, if possible. Infiltration and assassination are not my strong points.” More that _like hell_ he’s taking those from Danzo, even if he is Hokage here.

“No seduction missions?”

Naruto cringes. “Mom said she’ll castrate me if there’s even a chance of me leaving a child in another timeline.” It’s only a little bit of a lie. She’d say it if it occurred to her that he _might_.

“Ah, yes. That sounds like Kushina. Very well. I have a C rank to the land of Fangs, and an A rank to the land of Wind. Since you’re an unknown to us and a tokubetsu instead of regular jonin, if you take the A rank, you’ll need to take another ninja with you.”

He considers that. Most likely they’d prefer him to have someone along anyways. “I’ll take the A rank if I can take Sasuke with me.”

Both of Danzo’s brows lift this time. “The Uchiha boy? He’s only a chunin, and not a very good one either.”

He waves it off. “He’s my age and has the basic skills. He’s just unmotivated.”

Danzo stares at him for a long minute, then cracks another smile. “Very well. Be here early tomorrow morning to meet the client. I trust the Uchiha boy will come back motivated?”

Naruto beams. “Depends on how many people try to kill us along the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, Naruto just wants to go see Gaara. Dragging Sasuke with him is retaliation for no food in the house.
> 
> Even though Orochimaru limited him to C and B rank missions, Danzo offered an A rank, so it was something he could accept. Orochimaru will probably be both annoyed and amused.


	4. Trip to Suna, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!~~  
>  Missing nin, bandits, ambushes and Kumo nin  
> And the Uzumaki  
> Poor Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you wanted a really long-ass chapter, because this one got away from me. Enough so that I decided to stop and put the rest into the next chapter.  
> Feel free to point out errors if you see one, cuz I'm too tired to edit this sucker right now.

The caravan they are escorting is attacked four times between Konoha and Suna, and there are three individual ambush attempts on them personally. Well, on Sasuke, at least. Apparently he looks like an easier target. Or it could just be that he’s the one doing any wandering away from the main target. Divide and conquer and all that. Naruto could have told them that it was pointless when an Uchiha was involved. Not that they asked him.

The first attack is by five B-ranked nin. He lets Sasuke handle them. Well, okay, he lets Sasuke handle the four who are _not_ pictured in the Bingo book, because that particular one is a missing nin who really is above Sasuke’s current level, at least when he’s distracted by four other opponents. The look on Sasuke’s face when he finally turns from beating down the last one _(with skills on par with what Naruto remembers as_ his timeline’s _Sasuke’s as a first year genin; the Uchiha raise them mean)_ to find Naruto calmly seated on his traumatized looking captive while serenely reading a scroll, is priceless. _Priceless._ Sasuke is breathing hard, obviously exhausted, and his usual unruffled look is lacking something given that part of his hair is sticking out at an odd angle.

He honest-to-Kami growls. It’s sort of cute, given it’s more exhausted huff than threatening. “Why didn’t you help?”

Naruto blinks at him, because really? Did this Sasuke somehow not get Kakashi as his jonin sensei? He’s trolling him so obviously that even the civilians are starting to catch it and hide smiles. “Why should I? You had it covered.”

“Covered? There is _four of them!_ And they’re all above my level!”

Naruto gives the four nin who are sprawled unconscious a speaking look and looks back at Sasuke with one blond brow raised. “Really? You are a Konoha chunin.”

“I don’t want to be! I’m barely above genin level!” And wow, the levels of self-hate there. How is it that Itachi manages to screw Sasuke up in nearly every timeline this badly? The thing is, it’s not something specific Itachi does every time, it’s just the result of him existing.

He shrugs. “You have me there. Of course, you just took out four B ranks with the skills of a genin, so I don’t see the problem. Well? What are you waiting for? Tie them up while they’re still unconscious.”

Sasuke gives him a wild eyed look. “Tell me we aren’t carting them to Suna?”

“Of course not. Konoha still has patrols this close. Leave a note with them. Unless you’d rather cut their throats, of course.” He says too cheerfully.

Sasuke looks constipated at the thought, which is Uchiha-expression for mild horror, and ties them up efficiently.

Naruto is aware that the civilians are listening, of course, but they _may_ be under the impression _(just a little bit)_ that he’s retraining Sasuke from scratch. Because he has a pathetic and sad history of being ignored, overlooked, and generally told he’s useless because everyone loved his older brother so much that they could only find fault in the younger one. That he had been told to just give up and his teachers had refused to train him, but he valiantly and humbly took jobs well below his skill level because he _would not_ give up. Until finally, Naruto, a wandering nin, had joined the Leaf and had been willing to see the potential in him, after which Sasuke’s loving older brother who had not been in a position to help before had begged Naruto to give Sasuke a chance to learn to become the skilled and recognized ninja he was always meant to be. And even the Hokage himself had added his pleas when Naruto had been hesitant to take a student his own age. Naturally, Sasuke is touchy about the whole thing, having the rather fragile pride of someone who has always forged his own way, despite unwarranted mistreatment, so they shouldn’t mention it around him.

It even has the virtue of being mostly true, maybe even entirely true if one looks at it from the POV of someone who falls into different timelines with a regularity that nigh appalling. Naruto is quite proud of his bit of disingenuous tale. With luck, Sasuke will never hear a word of it, because Sasuke being stubborn is the _worst._ Naruto can out stubborn him, of course, but it tends to result in gratuitous property damage and cursing civilians and overly amused _(or concerned)_ shinobi. It’s so much easier to just avoid the whole issue of ‘stubborn’ to begin with.

The next meal break, Naruto sends Sasuke slouching off to find a stray ox that has wandered off during the rest. A few minutes later the ox bursts out into sight, snorting huffily, and is followed by a very sorry looking Sasuke. He is drenched, his front covered in mud, his back sporting split hoof marks and… Naruto narrows his eyes… there are splatters of blood across his shoulder and cheek. Not good.

“Report.”

Sasuke gives him a look of dull hatred. “Two. I dragged the bodies away from the water.”

This causes a stir among the civilians, who hurry to get the caravan ready to move again.

Naruto rolls his eyes at him. “Let me see your back. I need to make sure you didn’t break anything.”

He complies without hesitation, which tells Naruto a lot about how much it hurts, standing still as he slaps on a diagnostic seal and waits. The diagnostic indicates nothing worse than some serious bruises, a few deep enough he’s pretty sure that they are bone bruises. Worrisome for possible short-term restricted movement, but not a potential serious problem. He really needs to find Sakura or ba-chan Tsunade and have one of them help him tweak the seal again for better accuracy. The seals are his work, but they’re a work in progress. This is his most advanced version, and not one his parents have okayed for others to attempt using. Dumbing down the activations so others can use them without extensive training is not his strong point. He might not have a chakra construct living inside him, but he _is_ an Uzumaki.

“Lucky. Nothing but bruises. The mud must have cushioned the impact. Now give me an actual report.”

Sasuke grimaces, pulling down his shirt and mesh armor, speaking more quietly. “Animal wasn’t that hard to find. I started to bring it back and it was cooperating when they jumped me. Got one and the beast panicked and knocked me into the mud before bolting _over me_ and the other one tried to finish me off. Got him with a kunai to the throat. The beast came back while I was moving the bodies. Since when do med-nins use fuinjutsu to diagnose injuries?”

“Well, in my timeline, it’s fairly common in Konoha. My mom and dad worked out some that others can use. I don’t see it in most timelines I’ve been in. But I’m not a med-nin. Fuinjutsu is my specialty.”

“They gave you tokubetsu jonin on _seal work!?_ ”

That’s a little insulting, really, but Naruto can forgive it. He knows Sasuke’s too young to remember anything about Uzushio and how it was so powerful with _seal work_ that it had been targeted and destroyed out of fear. It’s not as if he waits until a fight to draw up his fuinjutsu. After the first couple times he’d been dragged through time, his parents had made sure he always had storage scrolls on him with enough fuinjutsu and weapons to defend himself adequately. And since he finished growing, he’s been adding permanent storage seal tattoos to his skin. He’s been meaning to restock and hasn’t gotten to it, so he’s a _little_ low on supplies, and glad that this timeline seems relatively peaceful, but he still has enough on him to take out a small army or two.

He beams at Sasuke. “Believe it! I can keep up with a jonin or two while you take care of the rest. It’s good that you specialize in taijutsu and ninjutsu.”

Sasuke favors him with a look of disbelieving horror and stalks off, muttering to himself under his breath.

Attack number two is so pathetic that he doesn’t bother doing anything besides snuffing a few flaming arrows and kicking one in the gut when she goes after a civilian. Sasuke disables all 16 of them in record time and ties them up before collapsing into a weary heap to glare at Naruto. They’re actual bandits and their weaponry is a mismatched lot, some dull and rusty _(he pawns those off on the client, who assures him that they can be polished up and resold)_ , some cracked dangerously _(those he disposes of on the spot)_ , with a few nice weapons mixed in _(which he cleans and stores in his tattoos on habit)_.

“Good job.” He commends Sasuke. “Though your stamina could use some work.”

Sasuke’s glare just gets more intense, but he’s worn out enough that he doesn’t answer beyond a rude hand sign. Naruto laughs at him.

The second attempt at an ambush is more a travesty than an ambush. Naruto almost dies laughing. A would-be assassin jumps out at Sasuke, misses, and runs off into an alley, Sasuke in hot pursuit. He returns a few minutes later, covered in sticky honey for some reason, muttering about fools who knock themselves out cold by running headfirst into walls, and with a filthy civilian child attached to his arm by the teeth. _Firmly attached_ if the blood running down his arm is any indicator. Still, he doesn’t try to shake her off, just looks disgruntled as he tromps over to Naruto, and demands, “This is _your_ _fault_ , so figure out how to remove it.”

Naruto fails to see how exactly it is his fault, but he’s laughing too hard to dispute the accusation. Offers of candy, a hot meal, and new clothes fall flat and it takes an offer of a hot bath to persuade the girl to relent and detach herself from Sasuke’s arm. She spits out the blood and says firmly, “I want all of that.”

He nods solemnly _(well as solemnly as one can get with a wide grin plastered on his face)_ , because he’s fairly certain she’s an orphan and deserves a little pampering. “Of course. So, why were you biting Sasuke?”

“He spilled my honey! And ma said that some people can give chakra and make you feel better if you bite them.” She pouts. “Didn’t work, though.”

Naruto stills. Because what she’s talking about is a rare bloodline even among the Uzumaki, and there’s no way a civilian child in the middle of a This country town should have heard of it when Uzushio fell at least two decades before her birth and it was a closely guarded secret even then. “Did she say that you were one of those people?”

She huffs and tosses her dirty, tangled hair. “Course not. Those are special people. Ma was going to teach me fujuto, but she died.”

He blinks at the nonsense word, but it’s not hard to figure out. “You mean fuinjutsu?”

She tenses. “Yeah, that. How d’you know that word?”

And oh, he gets it now. Of course hiding their heritage was safer. He gives her a sad smile because he can’t quite manage a happy one. “I am Naruto Uzumaki, son of Kushina Uzumaki who is-was the jinchuuriki of the Nine-tailed Fox.”

Hope and caution light her eyes. “Your hair’s wrong.”

He beams at her. “Believe it! I got my dad’s hair and eyes. I can teach you fuinjutsu, if you want.”

She hesitates and looks at Sasuke with a look that Naruto recognizes a little too well in regards to his own Sasuke. _Fangirl._ It gives him an amusing idea.

Just to screw with Sasuke, he says conspiratorially, “He’s pretty strong, isn’t he?”

This gets an emphatic nod. “He didn’t even cry when I bit him!”

“But he’s a slob, y’know? I live with him and the guy can’t even keep food in the fridge. There was dust in the cupboards! I bet he could use an Uzumaki wife, don’t you?”

“Hey!” Sasuke yelps, giving him an unnerved look. “What nonsense are you telling her?”

She stares at Sasuke wide-eyed, then nods slowly. “Yeah. I’m gonna be as strong as he is.”

Naruto beams at both of them. “Just think, Sasuke, if you take her name, you wouldn’t have to be ‘the second Uchiha’ anymore!”

He’s expecting a more freaked out look at this, but Sasuke surprises him and just looks thoughtful. _What even?_ Well, whatever.

The client and his caravan are surprisingly accepting of the new addition, helpfully finding her clothes and even paying for a proper bath _(which is really nice, considering Sasuke’s broke, and Naruto’s not positive that the currency here is identical to that of his own timeline or not yet)_. Though there is some brief clucking when they appear, Sasuke dripping blood and the girl _(whose name turns out to be Uroko Uzumaki)_ clinging to Naruto’s hand. It turns to cooing when Naruto explains that the girl is the daughter of a long lost cousin of his, and Uroko proclaims that she’s going to marry Sasuke when she’s grown up _‘cuz he’s really brave and really strong!’_ and Sasuke does nothing to contradict the statement.

So Naruto takes advantage of them taking Uroko under their collective wing and teaching her things he’s pretty sure Sasuke will thoroughly regret at some point, to treat Sasuke’s wound and slap a sanitation seal on it because bite wounds are no joke at all, and human bite wounds are worse than most.

The third ambush is in a different town, this one in That country, and it’s the same incompetent would-be assassin. Who is thoroughly foiled when Sasuke sidesteps on reflex, Uroko happens to see, and socks the guy in the stomach and proceeds to stand over him and scream at him for _‘trying to murder my Sasuke!’_ at a pitch and volume that only pre-teen girls manage to hit easily. The man looks relieved to be hauled away by the local constables for questioning.

Granted, being surrounded by a bunch of upset civilians while the man one tried to kill stares at one blankly is perhaps rather alarming. And having a possibly homicidal child screeching at one while a jonin laughs uproariously at you while covering his ears likely helps matters not at all. But still. To go after an _Uchiha_ and be taken out by a pre-teen with no training at all is one of the most hilarious things Naruto has seen in a while. It’s like watching a mini-me of his mom in action, and he can’t even blame the man for being cowed. Uzumaki women are terrifying.

The third attack happens near Takumi, in the land of Rivers, and this time it’s four A ranks. Naruto curses and directs Sasuke’s attention to one of them. “Keep him off of me while I deal with the others. He’s a taijutsu and poison specialist. Don’t die.”

Sasuke doesn’t waste breath cursing him out, just leaps into action. Naruto doesn’t have time to spare keeping an eye on him though. The fight is brutal. He may be a natural chakra tank, but he doesn’t have the nigh-endless reserves of the Kyuubi that so many of his counterparts do, so he can’t afford to make hundreds of shadow clones to spare himself damage. He makes five, because 3 on 6 is better odds than 3 on 1. The first he manages to tie to a tree near the top with an excessive amount of ninja wire and slap a sleep seal on her. The second he tries to gut and manages to hamstring instead _(of all things)_ , which is…acceptable, and slap another sleep seal on. The third is a menace, a swordsman more than a little above his level, and one of Naruto’s clones knocks him out from behind after finishing with the first one. Just in time for one of his _other_ clones to lunge at Sasuke and knock him out of the path of a lethally poisoned blow before dispersing from the shock.

Naruto slaps another sleep seal on the third one just to be sure, then leaves one of his remaining clones to tie the man up while he goes to help his other three clones and Sasuke with the last and most dangerous of the four. Thankfully, the Bingo book _(which he suspects might be Orochimaru’s own personal version)_ has pictures and very clear descriptions of their strengths, so he recognized the four Kumo nin on sight. Whoever has hired them has laid out some serious money for the privilege. He hadn’t sent Sasuke after the fourth one because he’s the weakest, but rather because he’s the strongest and smartest of the four and fighting him in a group would’ve been suicide. Despite evidence to the contrary, Naruto is _not suicidal_ , thank you very much.

The man glances at his downed companions, then smiles, obviously not concerned. “You’re not in the Bingo book.”

Naruto shrugs. He has no counterpart in this timeline, so that’s no surprise. “No reason I should be.”

Fortunately, while Sasuke’s skills haven’t grown much since he was a genin, his size and weight has, so it was enough to temporarily occupy the Kumo nin. Unfortunately, he’s now favoring his bitten arm and Naruto sacrifices two of his remaining clones to keeping him alive as the Kumo nin goes after that weakness relentlessly.

“Sasuke, retreat.” He orders, glad when the Uchiha does without argument.

He ends up losing both remaining clones, draining most of his chakra, and taking a poisoned scratch in order to slap his strongest sleep seal on the man. Naruto is tempted to slit his throat just to make sure he doesn’t wake up and kill them all, but allows Sasuke to tie him up instead. Collapsing to sit and search through his seals for a different diagnostic and then slapping on several random anti-venom and purifying seals, because his diagnostic _doesn’t recognize_ the poison.

“You are a _moron_. Are you going to live?”

He looks up at Sasuke and smiles weakly. “Well, if I don’t, kill him immediately, because the seal will probably break, and then he’ll get loose and kill everyone. But I’ll be fine. Probably.”

“Right.” Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Do me a favor and don’t die. I don’t want to have to explain the scope of your stupidity to the Hokage.”

“I’ll be fine. Believe it!” Naruto reassures him. Though he’s pretty sure it’s not _him_ that Sasuke is worried about, but rather having to explain to his brother how he achieved coming home with a fiancée less than half his age instead of the jonin he was sent out with. Or possibly just surviving the rest of the trip to Suna. Yeah, that’s probably it, Naruto thinks as things grow fuzzy and he drops into unconsciousness. Being poisoned sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uroko is a terror, but a cute one once the dirt is removed. Uroko/Sasuke is a bit May/December despite him being pretty young still, so Naruto's basically trolling him and figures Uroko will change her mind as she gets older. He knows the fangirl stage doesn't usually last.  
> Uroko, however, is a typical Uzumaki. That is to say, stubborn as hell and not willing to give up what she wants _at all_. Sasuke might be surprisingly okay with it, though. There's not very many people in his life who believe in him and see who he is other than 'Itachi's little brother'.  
>  Sorry/not sorry.  
> Uroko has red hair, hazel eyes and probably looks more like a mini-Mito than Kushina, but the relationship is distant. She's from a minor branch of the clan.  
> As far as I can tell, there really is a This and a That country in the Naruto-verse canon. [This](http://i.imgur.com/7jj9Psy.png) is the map I've been using. Although, with the proviso that what is marked as Whirlpool and Land of Bears and Land of Hot Water is actually mostly the Land of Hot Water, with the rest of the Land of Bears actually being the rest of Frost ( _there seems to be a Land of Bears, but no actual location for it?_ weird...) _Because_ Whirlpool was the island country where Uzushiogakure was as far as I can tell, and besides that, it makes _zero, zip, zilch, nada_ sense at all to have your hidden village on an island isolated that far from the majority of one's country. I swear, all the half decent maps are different from each other, and I'm using this one because it has the _lovely_ feature of showing basic topography, rivers and _roads_ as well as various cities.


	5. Trip to Suna, pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are worn out and philosophical, Uroko gets tips on Uchiha-ese.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I did not anticipate this. This was supposed to be one rather short chapter, but I'm breaking it again here, because it's gotten so long.  
> Unedited. Feel free to point out weird mistakes.

The next two days are hellish. The stupid blond who blithely talks about alternate timelines like it’s something anyone should just _believe (except it’s impossible to not believe him)_ stays unconscious and feverish. And somehow, _somehow_ , Sasuke has gained the first tomoe of his family kekkai genkai _(curse, he’s always thought it a curse)_ as it sank in that the _moronic_ blond might _die on him_. Why he cares is something he doesn’t understand _at all_.

If that’s not bad enough, the fight had reopened his healing bite wound, so now it’s enflamed to the point it’s hard to move his arm, and back to seeping blood. And _fuck it_ , he has to watch Naruto not getting better, while keeping an eye on the bound and still sleeping A-rank prisoners. _(He only knows they’re A-ranks_ now _because he checked his own copy of the Bingo book after the fight.)_ While the client and the entire caravan is jumpy and nervous without the blond able to watch over them and Sasuke in bad enough condition that anything worse than regular bandits will be the death of them.

To make things worse, it’s quite evident that nothing about Sasuke in his current condition inspires any sort of confidence in the civilians. Maybe it’s the red and black eyes that keeping switching with his normal black, something he has no control over yet. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s wounded and there’s four ninja being transported who could easily overpower him if even one of them wakes up and gets halfway free, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s too kami-damned exhausted to walk and is forced to ride in the wagon between the sleeping nins and the feverish, unconscious blond.

Whatever the case, it’s only Uroko’s confident declarations that she can help guard the caravan too, like she took out that _‘stupid guy who tried to murder my Sasuke’_ , until Naruto is awake again that break the tension enough to keep it from boiling over into careless panic. Sasuke’s used to being Itachi’s loser kid brother, but needing a pre-genin orphan waif to keep his mission from going to total shit is a new low even for him.

However…he doesn’t resent her for it. He knows all too well that there’s nothing charismatic about him, even likes it that way now, because it means people don’t _see him_. And she’s an Uzumaki. He’s heard tales of Kushina, the Hokage’s beloved deceased wife. He’s met Naruto, _who is insane_. And he’s been traveling with Uroko for over a week. _She is charismatic_ , and it’s patently obvious that it’s a standard Uzumaki trait. If they’re listening to the little redhead, then they’re not focusing on him and his failings.

Day three is almost worse, although they’re safely in Takumi and the client allows that he should take enough time to turn the Sumo nin over to the River Daimyo’s men to be turned over to the Tani ninjas for whatever political wrangling will ensue, and hunt down a med-nin to look at Naruto. Because every time Sasuke has looked at the seals keeping Naruto alive, they look closer and closer to sputtering out, and that terrifies him.

Without the blond tokubetsu jonin, how will he manage to defend the caravan for the rest of the trip? He’s only a chunin, and a substandard one at that. He only held off the Kumo poison nin as long as he did because the man _wasn’t serious_. Without him, what will happen to Uroko, an orphan and having lost the last of her relatives? Without him, how will he explain to Orochimaru-taichou that Sasuke managed to lose his newest ~~toy~~ recruit before he had a proper chance to study him? Without him, how will he explain that he _lost Kushina’s son from another timeline_ to the Hokage? Danzo is normally a calm man, but everyone knows how badly he took Kushina’s death and that of their stillborn child. Without him, _Itachi will defend Sasuke_. And Sasuke will subsequently want to crawl in a hole and die quietly of embarrassment. He loves his older brother, but Itachi’s love can be stifling in its unconditionality. Itachi wants to defend him from all negative consequences, but can’t seem to grasp that his very protectiveness isolates Sasuke from having anything more than his gloomy, unremarkable self. He doesn’t understand, and Sasuke can’t explain it to him, because he’s petrified that his brother will stop loving him and then no one will care about him. Worst of all though, is if the blond dies, Sasuke will have failed him. The blond got poisoned because Sasuke was too pathetic to keep up. If he dies, Sasuke will have failed to be an adequate teammate. He will have failed him, _and Sasuke will care_.

He doesn’t want to care.

~

Naruto awakens slowly, groggy and feeling like he lost a fight or six. When he first opens his eyes, it’s to find a concerned looking med-nin woman hovering over him. His eyes slide shut again without his permission, and next he knows, it’s an undetermined amount of time later and Sasuke is sitting in a chair near his hospital bed, looking worn out, arm bandaged professionally.

“Where?” he croaks.

“Takumi.” Sasuke sounds half dead. “The hospital. You’re lucky they retain a few med-nin on staff and one of them has a specialty in treating poisons. Lucky your seals held out long enough for us to get you to her, but now they’re-” He breaks off and gestures wearily.

Feeling largely better now, Naruto pushes himself up enough to examine the seals for himself and raises his brows. All but one is entirely burnt out, and the last is clearly on its last legs. “What poison was it? My diagnostic didn’t recognize it.”

Sasuke sighs. “A rare spider poison from the Blue Mountains. She had some antidote on hand. Though she did say that whatever your seals did had cleaned most of it out of your system already, so she only administered a partial dose. I think she was puzzled at your seals, but I’m not sure why.”

“Mmn. Probably hasn’t seen them before. I created half of them myself.” Naruto admits, though he privately thinks she’s probably more puzzled at their effectiveness. Without knowing about the healing factor boost he has from exploded-Kyuubi chakra remnants ingrained into his flesh ineradicably, of course she’d be puzzled. But he doesn’t need to share that tidbit with Sasuke or the med-nin. They’d either be baffled or terrified, or both.

Black brows fly up. “You _create_ fuinjutsus from scratch?”

“Yes? I mean, it’s kind of an Uzumaki hobby, and my dad’s _always_ tinkering with new ones.” He winces slightly. “Or space-time ones. But those were new at one time.”

Sasuke stares at him, then drops his temple into the palm of his uninjured arm, looking at him sideways. “Please, _please_ , tell me that those were all seals that have been tested properly and you knew what you were doing with them?”

“Most of- Sasuke! You activated your Sharingan! What happened?”

“What happened? _What happened!?_ What happened is that you _nearly died_ , you complete moron! And I can’t get the stupid thing to quit turning itself on at random.” It is a weary snarl, but a rather impressive one for all that.

Naruto blinks at him, surprised and touched, then decides to let him off the hook and not tease him about it. Instead, he checks Sasuke’s chakra level and hides a grimace as he realizes that it is uncomfortably on the edge of chakra exhaustion. “Cut off the chakra flow. Emotional surges feed it a trickle of chakra that you’re probably not noticing.”

That nets him a puzzled look, probably wondering how he knows. Clans tend to be a bit secretive of kekkai genkai in most timelines, understandably. Sasuke seems to grasp what he’s saying, though, and the Sharigan with it’s cute single tomoes deactivates.

“So, the client?”

“Hired some temporary guards while we recover. They’re taking care of Uroko. The Daimyo’s men have the Kumo nins.”

“And your arm?”

“Sore, but mostly healed. The med-nin insisted after she decided you were going to live without further intervention.”

“Good. One of these days I’m going to have to work out a good healing seal. I was afraid I was going to have to heal that bite myself.”

A black brow lifts. “You said that you’re not a med-nin.”

“I’m not. Trust me, I’m _not_. While I can heal, my chakra is- it has- Well, some things happened, and using my chakra directly on patients tends to have negative side effects to varying degrees. A common one is chakra memory induced nightmares. And…yeah. No one really needs to see those. I’ve encountered some bad things in other timelines.”

“Bad, like almost _dying of poison?_ ”

Naruto bites his lip. He doesn’t want to share this with Sasuke, this Sasuke who is so innocent of such things, but if dying of poison is his worst scenario, he’s far too sheltered for a shinobi of his age. “No, things like your entire clan, barring a couple insane ones, being murdered by Itachi on Danzo’s orders.”

Sasuke blinks blankly. “What?”

He sits up and swings his legs off the side of the bed to face Sasuke properly. “Look, different timelines, ok? Whatever happened to this Danzo here, whatever made him a good leader, it didn’t happen in the other ones. In the other ones, he’s a lying, plotting, bitter, power hungry man who sees people as tools and clans as something to break to steal their kekkai genkais for his own use. He used Itachi’s love for you to get him to slaughter the clan when you were both still children. That wasn’t all there was to it, but he lied and Itachi believed him. Itachi hated it, hated himself for it, but he loved you more. Enough to personally trade their lives for yours. It didn’t happen in all timelines, but in enough to be something I now expect if I fall into a new timeline. In most of them, you spend half your life trying to kill Itachi, and he lets you because he wants to protect you. In some of them, in your blind quest for revenge, you kill everyone who cares for you and worse than that happens because of it. In others, you just betray them and worse still happens. In others, Danzo is stopped early on. But he still tries. And I… I’ve seen worse things than that. Trust me on this at least, Sasuke. _No one_ deserves my chakra nightmares.”

The Uchiha stares at him, pale skin blanched to flour white with shock. “My clan? My _entire_ clan? I-”

“Don’t dwell on it. In this timeline it doesn’t happen. The yous in other timelines are your counterparts but distinct, despite all being versions of you. The other Danzos are not your Hokage, despite also being Danzo. Your Itachi has not and will not do such a thing. Timelines are different for a reason. Choices, small differences in other ways, they can make huge differences. Calm down and quit using your Sharingan before you pass out from chakra exhaustion.” He uses his ‘standing in for the Hokage’ voice out of reflex, and is glad when Sasuke shuts his eyes and concentrates in response, before slumping wearily.

“Yeah, well you can work out that seal on the way to Suna, because hearing that nightmare was bad enough. I don’t ever want to see it. I’m content with _‘you never waking up again’_ as my worst nightmare.”

There is a pause, then Sasuke grimaces as he realizes what he just said.

Naruto beams at him. “Aww. And here I thought your worst nightmare would be if you were poisoned instead of me! You almost were, you know.”

“I…know. Thank you for saving me.”

He laughs at the constipated tone and bounces to his feet, only to sway ominously before catching himself. “Oh. Whoops! Hey, if you hadn’t kept him off of me, I would have had to resort to the mousetrap to survive, and that never brings anyone good.”

“What in Kami’s name are you doing, you moron? You almost died of poison! _Lay back down!_ ”

“I’m fine. Uzumaki constitution, you know. Believe it!”

“How about no? _You are not fine_! You almost fell flat on your face just now.”

“But Sasuke!” he whines, batting his eyes mournfully, “I feel fine!”

Sasuke shoots to his feet and stomps over, yelling. _“You are not fine! Get back in bed!_ ”

Naruto eyes him thoughtfully, then grabs his uninjured arm and yanks, overbalancing him into the bed. “Seriously, Sasuke, I’ll be fine in a couple hours at most. This is hardly the first time I’ve been poisoned, and it probably won’t be the last. You just lay and recover, before I end up having to scrape you off the floor.”

“You planned that.” Sasuke accuses in a muffled tone after a moment.

“I did.” He agrees calmly.

“Why am I always the weak one?”

Naruto pauses, because the question implies trust. “Because you gave up. You never tried to be strong. But this time you _didn’t_ give up and you _were_ strong. You survived a jonin with a ‘flee-on-sight’ order attached, and then you managed to get the caravan and the Kumo nins, Uroko, and both of us safely to Takumi despite being on the verge of chakra exhaustion, being injured, and dealing with a newly expressed kekkai genkai. And then you managed to deal with the Kumo nins and get me help. You tried, and you didn’t give up. There’s nothing weak about that. Of course you’re exhausted. You’re not used to this. It’s like any other skill set. You have to build up tolerance so it doesn’t wear you out so quickly. Now get some rest before I slap a sleep seal on you.”

He smiles slightly and takes Sasuke’s abandoned chair as the Uchiha mutters curses under his breath until they trail off into fatigued slumber. He forgets to take care of himself properly sometimes, but Uchihas are always so much worse about it when they’re angsty.

Uchihas might seem cold and uncaring, but the truth is that they care too much. They can’t help it. People blame it on the Sharingan, but that’s not true. It’s like the Uzumaki love of life, it’s just who they are, it just happens to trigger their kekkai genkai. Itachi’s overwhelming love for his brother is pretty typical of how the clan loves. Or hates. The Sharingan isn’t what makes them dangerous, it’s the inner lack of control. It requires emotional control to wield any weapon safely, without causing collateral damage, and the Sharingan is no different. Even the sanest and sweetest Uchiha struggles with that control at times, and the ones who can’t properly deal with their own emotions on a good day _(every family has some of those)_ are more or less walking explosive tags with no warnings as to what will set them off. It’s _those_ ones who tend to be found over the corpses of their most beloved as they steal their eyes, having killed them for more power. Unfortunately for timelines at large _(Itachi_ is _one of the sane and sweet ones)_ Itachi’s trigger is far too obvious to anyone looking for it. All one needs to do is look at Sasuke funny in his presence for it to become evident.

Sasuke, though, his trigger is subtler and more complex. It makes him harder to predict.

Naruto yawns and tilts his head to rest on the back of the chair. Probably moving wasn’t the brightest idea, but he doesn’t think this Sasuke is yet comfortable enough with him to tolerate being pulled down to share a bed for resting. And the chunin needs the bed far more than he does at this point. While it’s true that both his timeline and this one are relatively peaceful, and they’re the same age more or less, it’s also true that Naruto has been through a lot more than this version of Sasuke. He knows his body’s limits better, he’s trained past them, expanded them through necessity and determination. Sasuke might be a match for him in the future, but right now his stamina is far lower.

~

He wakes when the door open and Uroko rushes in, only to skid to a halt when she sees black hair in the bed rather than the golden blond she’s looking for. Naruto yawns.

“Don’t wake him. He needs the rest.”

She startles at his voice, then turns and flings herself at him, sniffling quietly.

He catches her awkwardly and lets her snuggle into him, crying into his neck. Naruto nods at the client, who looks in and winks before backing out again. “Maa, I’m okay, Uroko. You and Sasuke got me to help in time and kept the caravan safe.”

There is a louder sniffle in response, and she pulls back to regard him uncertainly. “Sasuke told you I helped?”

“Nah, I read between the lines. You have to do that with Uchihas. They don’t like to talk about things.” He flicks the end of her nose, making her pout and put a protective hand over it. “Uchihas are all sensitive like that. Really shy.”

Sasuke moans softly, indicating he’s been woken, then demands, “What lies are you telling her?”

“See?” Naruto stage whispers conspiratorially. “He’s all embarrassed. Uzumakis are good at telling these things. You just have to ignore it when Uchihas get like this, and cheer them up until they forget to be shy. Dragging them into doing things they really want to do but can’t make themselves admit to is a pretty good method of cheering them up.”

“Ohhh.” Uroko nods, solemn and wide eyed with the new knowledge. “He was sad cuz you got hurt.”

“Yup. And now he’s embarrassed cuz he pushed himself too hard, and needs more sleep to recover.”

“ _Shut up, moron!_ ” Sasuke hisses, red touching his cheekbones.

“Woww. He is.” Uroko stares at Sasuke like he’s a fascinating puzzle until he groans and pulls the pillow over his face so he doesn’t have to face them. “Naru-nii-san, why do Sasuke’s eyes keep going red? They were doing it a lot while you were hurt.”

“Ah, that. That’s his clan’s kekkai genkai. You know what those are?”

“Like the golden chains? Ma said some Uzumaki have them.”

He ignores the muffled groan of _“Don’t you dare!”_ from the bed. “Yes, like that. See, bloodline traits often need a reason to wake up so they can be used. For the Uchihas, that reason is usually anger or fear. And bloodline traits can be hard to control at first because they use chakra in different ways. He should be able to control it after this, though.”

Uroko is quiet for a few moments, then asks, “So his eyes turn red when he’s worried?”

Naruto manages to not laugh hysterically and answers in an easy tone, “Something like that.”

Uroko lights up with what has all the hallmarks of Grand Idea, and slides down from his lap to trot over to the bed and clamber up beside Sasuke. She plasters herself over him in an awkward hug, then in a consoling tone says, “Don’t worry, Sasuke, I’ll help you not be sad! I can hug you lots!”

The Uchiha moves the pillow off his face just enough to give him a panicked _‘what do I do?’_ look and Naruto loses it completely, laughing so hard he falls out of his chair. Having to be scraped off the floor, still giggling, several minutes later by an annoyed nurse is entirely worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The client is fairly trusting, I think, to assume temporary guards can cut it long enough for his hired ninja escort to recover. But then again, communications aren't instant and his enemies probably aren't going to waste resources until they find out their latest attempt has failed.  
> I'd think it varies from country to country, whether the Daimyo would prefer to have the protection of residing in a ninja village, or prefer to be seen as an independent authority with less reliance on his ninjas. So basically, the River Daimyo lives in Takumi, the capital, and the ninja live in Tani (Tanigakure), but the Daimyo retains a certain number of ninjas within the capital to have more instant access to their abilities and protection. Some positions probably see a lot more turnover than others, though, depending on the skills in question.


	6. Trip to Suna, pt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enforced rest, and seals gone awry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will edit later, so point out mistakes if you see any, hm? Further notes may be added when I can think again.

Naruto spends three days sulking in the back of a wagon, because the client and stupid Sasuke _agree_ with the med nin’s orders enough to force him to stay put and heal up. He spends the time alternately trying to work out the chakra filter so it can handle converting his tainted chakra properly and trying to work out a healing seal, having mediocre progress with both. Still, the lack of freedom is chafing. He may not be as energetic as so many of his counterparts, but it’s still _torture_ to be forced to not move around.

Uroko climbs into the wagon, taking a break from walking, shedding dust as she does. “Naru-nii-san, you’re lucky to be in here where you can stay clean. My hair’s _gross._ ”

He raises his brows, because he’d certainly debate the ‘lucky’ bit, but she has been out ‘ _helping’_ Sasuke patrol for threats. Which basically means walking alongside the caravan, keeping an eye out for someone wandering up to kill them in broad daylight. None of them have the heart to tell her that hired killers are more likely to ambush people than do something that stupidly obvious. She scratches at her hair and sand falls out, making her grimace.  
  
“Well, if that’s the only problem, I can teach you a fuinjutsu to take care of that.” Pulling a simple cleansing seal out of one of his storage seals, he sticks it on her forehead and pushes her gently towards the end of the cart. “Step outside and push some chakra into this.”

She blinks at him, then grins and climbs out of the cart. A moment later there’s a shriek of delight, and then Uroko is clambering back into the cart, clothes dust-free and hair clean and shiny. “Teach me that! I love it!”

Naruto waves off a tense-looking Sasuke, who came to check out the shriek, and patiently shows her how to copy the seal, which is low level but complex enough that anyone not an Uzumaki wouldn’t consider it to be basic. It’s also the only one his little sister knew flawlessly before the age of six. Girls are finicky about stuff like being clean all the time, in his experience.

Not that he should talk, considering _he’s_ the one who invented the seal to begin with. Though at least _he_ had the excuse of having been filthy, stuck in an alternate timeline for two weeks, in the middle of nowhere and out of money even if he had known where a bathhouse was. Of course, he’d also been _six_ and terrified his mother wouldn’t recognize him when she found him. In the end, it had been his father who retrieved him, crying on him in relief, then taking him home to his mother, who cried on both of them.

He lets Uroko practice while he goes back to struggling with the filter seal, until she has a small stack of near-enough seals, then sends her off to go bother the civilians. The worst misfire that can happen is that the dirt and grime explodes away from the person harmlessly, or their hair ends up standing on end for a few minutes. They’ll either fail or work. “Here, take these and go practice on some of the caravan people. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

“Okay, Naru-nii-san! I’m gonna do Sasuke first!”

Naruto has to catch the back of her cloak to keep her from faceplanting out of the back of the wagon in her excitement, before she goes bouncing off to find Sasuke. He grins when he hears a muffled squawk a couple moments later. Poor Sasuke. At least he can’t wordlessly sulk about being in need of a bath, now.

 _“Uz-u-ma-ki! What the hell did you give Uroko to use, you moron!?”_ The cart jounces hard and Naruto can’t stop a laugh as Sasuke climbs up, looking like he stuck his finger in a light socket. His hair looks like a black dandelion puff. With little sparks of electricity dancing at the ends. Huh. That shouldn’t be. Sasuke’s affinity with lightning must have affected it. _Adorable_.

He points his writing brush at him. “I resent that.” He says mildly. “I didn’t give her anything to use on you. I gave her a cleaning seal to use on her beauteous self, which she did, then taught her how to make it and suggested she practice on the civilians. It’s hardly my fault that she used one that’s a little faulty and your chakra affected it.”

“ _My_ chakra!” Sasuke scoffs. “Uchihas have fire affinity, not lightning. _My hair is sparking!_ ”

Naruto uses the writing brush for a little emphasis. “And _my_ affinity is wind. A typical Uchiha has fire affinity, yes, but _yours_ is lightning. Never had it tested, have you?”

Sasuke’s lips press together in what is the Uchiha version of a pout. Obviously no one has ever tested him, or he’d already know, so he can’t claim otherwise without lying.

He gives him a sly smile. “So, are you here to tell me I can finally get up and do my job?”

“Tomorrow, and no sooner, you moron!”

“I see. So are you just relying on Uroko to watch the caravan for you?”

Sasuke curses and huffs off to go back to guarding.

Naruto grins and goes back to figuring out where he’s going wrong on his seal. Really, Sasuke’s so easy to rile up.

~

The fourth attack comes less than half a day before they get to Suna, after the road joins up with the one that wanders south from Alnokura. The road is wider here and they run into more foot traffic and carts passing in the opposite direction.

This time there are three B-rank missing nin and two C-ranks, which Naruto leaves to Sasuke, while Uroko stays back with the client. Naruto may have had to bribe her, giving her an A-rank sleep seal to hold onto as her ‘weapon’ _(actually a quite effective weapon if someone does happen to get in close)_ in order to convince her that it was an important task _(which it is, though Uroko’s not even a genin)_ and jumping into any potential fights would be less than useful, but Sasuke doesn’t need to know that.

Fortunately there’s only one S-rank ninja, and she’s too focused on her jutsu to do more than sway out of the way of what she thinks is a punch, allowing Naruto to slap a sleep seal on her with ridiculous ease. She promptly collapses to the ground bonelessly and giggles loopily. What? Naruto ties her up, then squints at the seal. _Oh_. _That seal_. So that’s what it does. He has no idea how it got into his stack of sleep seals, though. Usually his messed up seals go in the weird experiments section. Tsunade baa-san and Sakura ought to like this one, though. Using sleep seals on recalcitrant shinobis who don’t want to be in the hospital but have concussions isn’t a viable option, and being _too relaxed to care_ is definitely a useful way to make a shinobi cooperate with medical procedures.

The look on Sasuke’s face when he turns around to see Naruto calmly making notes in a journal while standing next to a giggling S-rank nin, who was seconds from frying half the caravan, is hysterical.

“What are you doing!?”

Naruto raises a brow. “Waiting for you to finish.”

Sasuke backhands the last C-rank nin with enough force to knock him out for good this time. “And you thought _writing_ was a better idea than helping me?”

“I took out the dangerous one, what more do you want?”

“How about _not leaving me to fight multiple opponents well above my level on my own!?_ I’m not even _in_ the Bingo book!”

“Maa, Sasuke. Neither are they. It’s hardly my fault that you prefer doing D-ranks to becoming an S-rank jonin. Maybe you should give yourself a little more credit, you know? By my count, you’ve taken down 7 B-rank, 5 C-rank, and 16 bandits all on your own, and held off an A-rank with a flee-on-sight order for several minutes without dying on this trip. Also, you should do something about those. Before they wake up.” It’s hard to keep a straight face. Kakashi sensei would be proud of him for managing it.

Sasuke makes a sound of unutterable frustration, and tugs at his hair, leaving it sticking out oddly, before turning and tying up their attackers, stomping as he moves between them. Naruto manages to not break into laughter, but it’s a struggle.

~

Just inside the gates of Suna, the caravan judders to a halt and Naruto moves up to see why, Sasuke meeting up with him from the other side, having the same thought.

“What’s going on?”

The client, who really isn’t their client now that they’ve finished the mission, looks rather pale and merely points ahead of them about 50 yards, to where a redheaded man is sitting in the middle of the main street right past where it widens and splits off into side streets. Sand is stirring around him in a casual radius of about 10 ft, as he mutters quietly to himself, his head rocking back and forth in faint motions. _Oh._

Sasuke curses beside him. “That’s Gaara of the Bloody Sand, clan to the Kazekage. No one’s going anywhere until he moves.”

_Oh. Oh. Oh._

Naruto takes off his jonin vest and weapons pouch and slaps them into Sasuke’s arms.

“Wha-?” Sasuke realizes what he’s doing a beat later. “Hey, you can’t do-”

“Shut up. He’s a friend. I don’t abandon friends.” Naruto says flatly.

He walks steadily towards the other man, not fast enough to be a threat, but not slow enough to indicate fear, either. There’s a low level hustle bustle despite Gaara’s presence, natives moving around him outside of the immediate reach of his sand by long habit. Nothing to save them if Gaara _wanted_ to kill them, not much would escape that, but the redhead is not really paying attention, so they’re safe enough. Naruto hears some of the sound fall away as others notice what he is doing, sees natives pull back abruptly, finding greater distance from the scuffing swirl of sand.

Not that he cares. He knows there’s a risk of dying. There always is when dealing with tailed beasts and shinobi with PTSD. But Naruto has never met a kinder soul in any timeline, and doing nothing would be an unforgiveable crime in its own right. He palms a small, densely written seal as he walks. If he screws up this chance, he’ll be dead and Gaara won’t have another chance at normal, but it’s okay, he won’t screw up. He believes that with every bit of him.

He crouches in front of Gaara, ignoring the mutters of _“Blood, blood, must have blood. I know, Mother.”_ waiting for the teal gray eyes to focus on him, then smiles. “Hello, Gaara. I’m Naruto.”

The sand stills, no longer whispering around them restlessly. “Mother’s afraid of you.”

“That’s no surprise.” It isn’t. Naruto knows how his passive chakra signature reads to tailed beasts, to anyone who has the ability to sense it clearly. In any timeline the Kyuubi no Kitsune is the most fearsome of the nine. “But I mean _you_ no harm, Gaara.”

He reaches out slowly and takes one of Gaara’s hands in his own. The small seal activates, crawling onto Gaara’s skin, replacing the terribly broken one that has been pushing both Shukaku and Gaara towards insanity since it was laid. There is shock in the greyish teal eyes, but there’s no resistance, no pulling back. No protest.

“Why?”

“We’re friends.”

“No one wants to be my friend.”

Naruto tilts his head. “I’ve been in many timelines, and in every one that we’re both still alive, we’re good friends. I’m sorry I wasn’t born in this timeline or we would have become friends long ago.”

Gaara blinks at him a few times. It doesn’t take long. He’s smart and has had the education due a Kage’s son, even with his people terrified of him. “You’re not from this world?”

“This _timeline_.” Naruto clarifies. “Same world, same people, different decisions. My parents didn’t marry in this one. In most of them my parents married and died after having me. In my timeline they’re both still married, and my father fixed your seal when you were little so your uncle never died. Did you know he was under orders to lie to you when he said he hated you?”

“He tried to kill me! Mother saved me. Why do you know this? Why can’t I hear mother?” Sand rustles softly around them, reacting to Gaara’s fear.

“I told you. Other timelines. And you’re correct. Your mother did save you. But the whispers for blood? Those aren’t your mother. Those are Shukaku, the Ichibi. You can’t hear him because I fixed your seal.” Naruto tells him firmly, calmly.

The fearful blankness in Gaara’s gaze recedes after a moment. “Why would you want to be my friend?”

“Because you’re an awesome friend, Gaara! Believe it! Friends care for each other and support each other, and make you stronger. Trust me. Things will get a lot better from now on. You can grow cactus or something. You like cactus, right?”

Gaara blinks at him, puzzled. “Yes.”

“See! That’s lots more fun than scaring traffic off the main street because you’re having a bad day, believe it!” He drags Gaara to his feet cheerfully, then pauses to let him reorient himself, before towing him towards Sasuke and the caravan. “Come on. You can show me where the Missions’ office is here, so I can drop off some missing nin we caught. We’ve got one S-rank, that’s the giggling one, and several lower ranked ones that no one cares about enough to even put in the Bingo book. At least, I don’t think they do. They might be in Suna’s Bingo book, ne? And you can meet Sasuke and my little cousin Uroko. Sasuke’s a big grump, but he’s okay. And you’ll like Uroko.”

Naruto can sense the incredulity around him, see the looks from the corners of his eyes, and knows word will make it to the Kazekage within minutes. But he doesn’t care. The spark of confused and heartbreakingly cautious hope in those brilliant gray green eyes is worth every moment he’ll have to spend explaining himself to the Kazekage. Gaara is worth it. Always. And it’s like Kakashi sensei always says: _“Those who leave friends behind are worse than trash.”_ Besides, Naruto has lots of experience dealing with stuffy Kages. Even furious ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It never occurs to Naruto that Uroko doesn't know how to use chakra. Fortunately her mom taught her the basics of drawing it out before she died.  
> Missing nin are easily told by scratches through their hitai-ate, but Naruto's estimating them by their chakra pools and the way they hold themselves if they aren't actually in the Bingo book. He's a sensor type, if you recall from canon.  
> Gray-teal is the closest color I can find to Gaara's eyes. Plain teal is too bright and blue a color for most of the depictions, but gray-teal matches it rather well.  
> And now anyone watching is convinced that _Naruto_ is the scary one for taming Gaara. Mwahaha! They're not really wrong, though. This Gaara is around a decade and a bit older than canon, and his sanity is that much more precarious. People are even _more_ scared of him than in canon, and they aren't wrong to be, though it's not his fault.


	7. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto meets the Kazekage (OC), Kankuro, Temari, and Temari's daughter (OC). For varying given values of 'meet'.

Their client _(ex-client, really)_ is kind enough to stay calm and let them retrieve the captured nins without a fuss. Gaara, after seeing their dilemma of ‘too many captives to carry’, hesitantly offers to help, which Naruto promptly takes him up on. So Sasuke ends up carrying the two C rank nins, Naruto carries one of the B rank nins _(keeping one hand to keep a hold on Uroko so she doesn’t wander off)_ , and Gaara transports the other two B ranks and the giggling S rank nin on a platform of sand trailing behind them.

People give them a wide berth and incredulous stares, but the distance is probably just as well, given that Gaara’s not used to interacting with people in a non-negative way. Gaara leads them to the Missions’ office, though with enough hesitance to tell Naruto that he’s rarely gone there.

They manage to get halfway through turning over their captives before the Kazekage sends an escort to fetch them, and Naruto has to leave Sasuke and Uroko to finish the process.

The Kazekage is a dark haired, amber eyed man who looks closely related to Gaara, but he’s someone Naruto has never met in any timeline before. So, naturally, he looks at Gaara and blurts, “Who is he?”

The _(okay, rude)_ question draws sounds of disbelief and offense, quickly cut off, from the Suna nins escorting them, and a narrow stare from the Kazekage. Gaara blinks at him several times, then answers slowly, “Yasu of the Copper Wind. He is…a cousin on my father’s side.”

“Oh, wow. That makes sense, then. I was expecting Temari or Kankuro, maybe, since it isn’t you in this timeline. Where are they, anyways? Are they doing well?” Because maybe he shouldn’t take that for granted in this weird timeline.

There is a…pause.

“Kankuro is in the hospital in permanent care. Paralyzed. He…annoyed me, but his puppet saved his life by encasing him. Temari has never forgiven me for it. We are not on speaking terms, so I do not know how they are other than that.” Gaara says stiffly.

Naruto pats his arm. “Hey, you kept Shukaku from killing him when he was helpless. You did good. And hey, I’ve finally gotten a healing seal worked out that I think will work right. I’d be willing to try it on him, if you want.”

Gaara blinks at him in open bafflement, then nods. “I’d…like that.”

“Then I will, believe it!” He beams at his friend, pleased to see that the extra years of madness and loneliness are incapable of entirely suppressing his innate kindness.

The Kazekage clears his throat. “And who might you be? I was unaware that Gaara had any friends.”

Oops.

Naruto pastes on a serious face, the one he uses for negotiations when his father can’t be bothered to show up for them. “Naruto Uzumaki, tokubetsu jonin of Konoha and seal master. Pardon my rudeness, ne? I’m from a different timeline, where my mother married someone else. And I fixed Gaara’s seal, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t try to have him assassinated now that Shukaku isn’t trying to get him to kill everyone. He’s a really nice guy, believe it! And he doesn’t like hurting people. So maybe not send him on as many A rank missions, ne?”

There is a muffled silence that stretches out long enough that Naruto begins to wonder what exactly he’s missed this time.

“Naruto. I am a genin. I was deemed too dangerous to be allowed to participate in chunin exams.”

He stares at Gaara for a moment, then smiles cheerfully and claps him on one arm. “Hey, that’s good! You’ll have lots of time to raise cactus. Or you could become a tokubetsu jonin like me, if you want, so you don’t get called out on as many high ranked missions. I’ve never met any you who wasn’t a great ninja, but that doesn’t mean you have to if you don’t want to.”

Gaara gives him a look of mild surprise, which for him is the equivalent of jaw dropped shock and revelation. “I…will think about it.”

“I have not-” the Kazekage says in an even tone, “sent any assassins after Gaara since taking office. Doing so would be a waste of resources that Suna cannot afford. Any attempts have been those acting on their own, or sent on orders from other interests. Although I am well aware that my predecessor does not and did not share my views on this matter.”

Naruto wrinkles his nose and gently leans into Gaara who is staring at Yusa in revelation. “Rasa means well, but he’s a little screwy about logic when it comes to Gaara. I mean, why _anyone_ would think a deliberately messed up seal is a good idea when dealing with a bijuu is beyond me. Particularly Shukaku, since he’s a known trickster and deliberately tries to drive his jinchuuriki’s insane. Like, every time, in every timeline. Suna got really lucky that Gaara’s such a sweet guy, y’know? And I won’t even get into how badly thought out that thing with sacrificing Yashamaru to try to make Gaara a more willing killer was.”

The Suna nins look torn between wanting to be anywhere else and wanting to rebuke him for his disrespect towards the former Kazekage and familiarity towards their current one. The Kazekage himself is eyeing both of them with a thoughtful expression. Naruto waits. He’s not exactly a patient person, but he does know when he should shut up and let the other person have a say. _(Many would dispute this, but repeated success in negotiations argues in his favor.)_

“An Uzumaki. From a different timeline. I’ve not heard of an Uzumaki with a hair color other than red before, but that Gaara is allowing you to touch him speaks well of your skill with seals. Though I wonder if you indeed ‘fixed his seal’ or if you used a control seal on him.”

Well, that’s not an unreasonable conclusion. Naruto sighs, ignoring the sharp indrawn breaths of the still attendant Suna nins, and pulls another, larger copy of the seal out of one of his storage seals on his arms, leaning far forward to place it on the edge of the desk rather than step closer and freak out the Suna nins that he might be attacking. _That would not end well_. “Here, this is the same seal I used on Gaara.”

Yusa raises a brow at him, then picks it up and studies it curiously before putting it down again. “This is impressive work. I’m not certain our own seal masters could create something of this level. This healing seal you mentioned. Is it of the same level?”

“Keep it.” Naruto says magnanimously. “It’s better than someone using a bad seal in the future, and your higher level seal masters should be able to master it with enough practice.” Then he hesitates. “Well, actually…I’ve been working on two different seals to use for healing. The actual healing seal is still pretty low level. But Tsunade baa-chan did teach me medical ninjutsu before I exploded a different timeline’s Kyuubi all over myself, and I’m pretty sure this filter seal is good enough to let me heal without overloading and giving someone permanent nightmares. I mean, there’s like a 30% chance it won’t work right or will overload even if it does, but there’s no real way to tell without testing it and Kankuro grew up with Gaara, so dreaming about the Kyuubi shouldn’t be as scary to him as it would be to most people if the seal _does_ fail or overload.”

“Exploded the Kyuubi.” Yusa repeats, sounding a little faint for the first time.

Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “Uh, well, I mean. The other ‘me’ was his jinchuuriki, and people treated ‘me’ pretty bad, I guess. But I’m not as nice as Gaara when I’m crazy, I guess, and ‘I’ tried to destroy the whole world and was doing a really good job of it when I got dumped in that timeline and stuck for a while. So I kind of blew up ‘me’ and the Kyuubi just happened to be inside of ‘me’, so… Well, that timeline’s Kyuubi will probably take a lot longer to reform than average. And I kind of got some Kyuubi chakra smooshed into me permanently, but just enough to give people nightmares if I use my chakra on people directly instead of through seals, so I haven’t done much healing since then.” _(Well, okay, a little more than that, but no need to totally confuse them.)_ “But Sasuke almost died because I didn’t heal up an earlier wound and we ran into Ryouto Doku and some other Kumo nins on this trip. So I thought I should at least try to make a seal so I can heal again on missions without giving people nightmares. Y’know?”

“I see.” Yusa says in a tone that Naruto is pretty sure means that he doesn’t _really_ see, but probably isn’t willing to pursue it either. “And you think that you can heal Kankuro where our medical nin have failed?”

Naruto wonders how insulting it would be if he just says ‘yes’. Probably not worth it. “Maybe? I mean, I _am_ trained by Tsunade Senju, and I _am_ an Uzumaki. So I have a lot more chakra to work with than the average medical nin. And if I can’t, I can just improve the healing seal until _it_ works.”

Yusa stares at him in silence, then asks, “Sasuke?”

“Uchiha.”

“I don’t recall there being a Sasuke Uchiha in our bingo book.”

“Maa, you wouldn’t. He’s Itachi’s little brother, and has an inferiority complex like you wouldn’t believe, so he sticks to D ranks cuz he thinks he’s that useless. But he held off Ryouto Doku for a few minutes before I could help him. And he did that with an injured arm, believe it! So being ‘inferior’ is all in his head, ne? He did pretty well in our other encounters too. Not a scratch on him. Well, a few bruises, though. Mostly from the ox stepping on him.”

“His arm was…bruised?” Yusa sounds puzzled.

Naruto laughs. “No, my little cousin Uroko bit him when he knocked her jar of honey over.”

“The child…is the cause of that scar?” Gaara asks, apparently startled. _(While Yusa looks like he’s definitely **not** planning to ask.)_

“Yes. She was living on the street when we found her. She was pretty upset about the honey, believe it! But she forgave him.”

There is a slight, bewildered silence at this.

Then Yusa _(who Naruto should really be thinking of as ‘the Kazekage’)_ says, “Very well. You will be escorted to Kankuro’s hospital room and allowed to try to heal him.”

Naruto beams at him, because it’s not like being forbidden to do it would stop him but having permission is a lot easier. “Thanks, Kazekage!”

~

“You! What are you doing here?” Temari demands, voice thick with fear and loathing. “Stay away from him! Haven’t you done enough damage?”

Despite her words, though, she gets up from Kankuro’s bedside and backs away, out of Gaara’s path, until her back is pressed against the wall. In her arms is a small girl with brown hair who is otherwise a chibi version of her.

Gaara stops a few feet short of Kankuro’s bed, and neither replies not looks at her.

Naruto breezes by him. “Maa, Gaara, you didn’t tell me you have a niece. She’s cute, ne? Temari, what’s her name?”

Temari blinks, then tightens her grip on her daughter slightly. “Who the _fuck_ are you?”

“I’m Gaara’s friend. He asked me to try to heal Kankuro. You don’t have to stand over there, Temari. He’s not going to hurt you.” Naruto answers lightly, without looking at her, pushing Kankuro’s hospital gown aside and carefully placing the filter seal before activating it.

Obviously, though, she’s not willing to let it go that easily. “Get away from my br-!”

“Temari.”

Her words cut off sharply at Gaara’s disapproving tone. Naruto more senses than sees one of the Suna nin who had escorted them slip into the room and whisper into Temari’s ear.

Not that he has time to wonder about that. The damage to Kankuro makes him wince. It’s obvious that the medic nins had done their best, but even for him some of the damage is unfixable. Shattered bones that have fused together in subtly wrong configurations, scar tissue too deep and long standing to totally eliminate. Maybe if the damage was new, he could have fixed it, but not years healed as it is. It’s amazing that Kankuro is still alive, trapped in immobility as he is for what has obviously been years now. But the worst damage, the most delicate things, the ones that the other med nins have been unable to safely fix, _those_ he can do something about, and it’s sheer luck that it’s not irreversible in several spots. Even so, his filter seal is going to get a thorough workout, because healing things properly is going to burn through a lot of his power, and keeping a harsh grip on his chakra control _(always something difficult for him, given how much chakra he has)_ is going to make it that much harder.

He’s about three-fourths of the way through when the seal begins to slowly burn out. _Fuck._ But he’s working with a delicate process here. He can’t stop, pause or hesitate without causing irreversible damage. Kankuro will just have to deal with horrific nightmares if it comes down to it. _Not panicking_ becomes intensely important, because panic not only proliferates mistakes, it slows one down, and he can’t _afford_ to slow down at this point, not when he’s working against time to when the seal will fail.

Naruto finds a place where he can stop and withdraw temporarily mere seconds before the seal sputters out entirely. He drags in a shaky breath, then says brightly, “Well, that went well! No nightmares, and I’m almost done. I am going to have to replace the seal to finish, however.”

He peels the burnt out one carefully off of Kankuro’s chest before crumpling it and tossing it aside carelessly. Before replacing it, he takes a careful look at the other copies he has, and chooses the most complete of them. This one will burn out faster. It’s not as strong as the one he just burned out. Still, he doesn’t hurry. The finishing touches are too important to hurry through. Fortunately they also take less power to do, so the seal is only half burnt out by the time he’s done. Straightening, he pats Kankuro’s chest briefly.

“There. He should be fine-” A jaw cracking yawn interrupts him, his vision wavers a bit, and he realizes belatedly that he’s on the verge of chakra exhaustion. “now. He’ll limp probably an- Um. He’ll be able to walk after therapy and stuff. Gaara? I think I’m going to pass out now.”

~

Temari stares at the limp, blond figure caught gently by sand a few inches from the floor. The strange Konoha med nin with ominous feeling reddish-blue chakra dense enough to be _seen_ who had channeled it _through_ a seal, turning yellowish-green where it made contact with the seal. He frightened her nearly as much as Gaara, and yet…he had claimed that Kankuro could walk again? _No one_ had been able to even give them the slightest hope of that before.

She turns her gaze on her youngest brother, who…is acting strangely calm and un-murderous. “Did you _really_ ask him to heal Kankuro?”

At first, she thinks he’s not going to answer, but after a moment, he inclines his head. “That might be a slightly generous interpretation, but on the whole, correct. I did not mean to leave Kankuro crippled.”

“You meant to kill him.” She half whispers the accusation, swallowing hard.

“Well, yes. But I…do not hate Kankuro.” The admission is stunning, but the slight hunch of his shoulders that accompanies it is almost more shocking. “Naruto…fixed my seal. I do not hear Mothe- Shukaku asking for blood now.”

“What?”

For the first time, he turns his head to look at her, grey-green eyes expressionless. “I know I’m a monster, Temari. Killing people makes me feel alive. That doesn’t mean I ever wanted to hurt anyone. He…is not afraid of me. No one is ever not afraid of me. Mo- Shukaku is afraid of _him_. But…he still helps people, laughs with them, has friends. I…”

He trails off, then turns around and leaves, his sand carrying the blond after him.

She is left wondering what he’d thought about saying. And come to think of it, _what could frighten a sand demon?_ Konoha’s jinchuuriki is long dead, and none of the others have gone missing as far as she knows. That leaves… She has no idea, and the thought makes her shiver.

“Mama?”

“It’s okay, Karura. Uncle Gaara just brought his friend to heal Uncle Kankuro, but now his friend is tired, so Uncle Gaara is taking him away to rest.” Temari hopes to Kami that she’s not lying to her young daughter. She’s not sure she can take it if _this_ is a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Rasa's still alive. Retired. Still irrational about Gaara.  
> Yasu of the Copper Wind is modeled on the third Kazekage, and yes, he is an OC. He is a cousin of Gaara's and has the ability to use Magnetic Release, which if I'm reading right is more a requirement of having a certain type of chakra than a Kekkai Genkai and simply not taught to many outside of the clan. His affinity is copper, and his nickname is both a reference to his affinity and a grim shinobi joke, because blood smells like copper and color of untarnished copper is rather reddish. He's a very respected man, and quite calm in temperment.  
> Naruto...sorry, you're confusing everyone completely anyways. Sorry.  
> Temari is _more_ terrified of Gaara than she is in canon, given what he did to Kankuro. She's still the one who talked Gaara down from killing him, though. Her daughter (about 2yrs old) is named after her mother. She did not marry Shikamaru, because they never had enough contact for a relationship to develop, due to massive timeline differences originating in Konoha. And while she hates and fears Gaara, she still can't quite bring herself to quit loving him a bit. He is her baby brother, after all. And for all that she's a badass, she's also a very sentimental person.  
>  Gaara's mental state is more fragile than it is in canon, simply because of how much longer he went without a friend and dealing with Shukaku on his own. Thus he pauses randomly to think mid-sentence at times.
> 
> What Naruto was going to say: He'll have a limp and some serious stiffness, but should be able to resume normal life, even if going back to being a ninja isn't recommended. Then again, it's Kankuro, so if he's stubborn about it, it's possible, since he can puppetmaster himself if he needs to.  
> What Gaara started to say: I want to be like that. _(But he's not a little kid anymore and not as straightforward about what he wants these days. He does and doesn't want to be like that, so it's confusing him. He needs time to sort out if being like that is really what he wants or not. It is, but it will take him time to work through things.)_


	8. Bingo book entries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Suna-ites are excitable and Suna's Bingo book gains some new entries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is like...2-3am writing and not edited, feel free to point out any typos.
> 
> So I got my first hate-troll comment ever on here, yesterday and...kind of...am still shaking my head. Incidentally, my lack of respect for the intelligence of such people has sunk to new lows. The sheer stupidity involved in leaving a comment like that on a fluff fic suitable for kids to read is boggling. And hey, hitting the 'Spam' option just deletes those anyways, so there's no point. Literally no point. Other than being an asshole bully. So if you happen to get such a comment from someone like that on one of your fics, please don't bother taking their lack of self esteem and compassion in any way personally. That sort of vicious arrogance is invariably a lack of self respect trying to make themselves feel better by denigrating others.  
> Don't feed the trolls. Just report their comments as spam and watch them go 'poof' off your fic. It's lovely.

The trip back to Konoha is remarkably peaceful despite having been able to pick up a C rank escort mission for a small group of travelers headed to Tanigakure in the Land of Rivers. It’s almost disappointing.

They are overdue to return because the Suna medics are terribly, terribly impressed by his feat of healing Kankuro _(who is currently still occupied with physical therapy and retraining his chakra)_ and want to pick his brain about his healing techniques and knowledge. Their enthusiasm is only fed when the Kazekage casually informs them that Naruto has a healing seal and an apprentice med nin takes the half burnt out filter seal to one of their seal masters and comes back with the assessment that it is a high level, complex seal that would take a seal master several months to learn at best.

Naturally this all occurs while Naruto is still unconscious from chakra exhaustion and has no way to deflect their interest. When Sasuke and Uroko confirm that the seals are Naruto’s own creation _(totally unsuspecting of the effects of their words)_ , the Suna seal masters join the med nins in their determination to pick Naruto’s brain, and by the time he’s conscious again, word has been sent to Konoha for permission to have him remain long enough to complete and teach the two seals, and share some advanced chakra healing techniques. By the time he can move around normally again, permission has been received. And really, Naruto’s more surprised that Danzo actually gave permission than he is by the half-worshipful, half-obstinate pestering he receives. He’s fairly terrible at explaining things when teaching, so he ends up with either Sasuke or Gaara having to translate what he says into something his ‘students’ can understand. Uroko tries once and sends Gaara into a fit of giggles at how much more confusing she manages to be than _Naruto_ , which in turn makes the listeners pale and stare at Gaara with unnerved expressions, totally losing any pretense of understanding the girl in the process.

Uroko is naturally miffed at this until Naruto calms her down by telling her being terrible at explaining things is an Uzumaki trait, so she shouldn’t take it personally. Given the amount of pride this puts on her face, he has to wonder if his choice is a mistake, but at least it won’t be permanently his problem, given that eventually his father _will_ show up to retrieve him.

Having Gaara or Sasuke explain has its downsides, too, of course.

 _Everyone_ in Suna has a deep fear of Gaara, and even being informed that his previous madness was caused by a broken _(now fixed)_ seal is not enough to make the fear ease very much at all.

Sasuke, on the other hand, is _vastly_ irritated by having to translate what he deems Naruto’s _idiot nonsense_ into something understandable and having the medics and seal masters ask questions in technical jargon that he’s unfamiliar with _(and thus has to get explanations from Naruto for)_ only increases that irritation.  Which tends to make his sharingan activate erratically. Of course everyone knows about the Uchihas and the sharingan, so it makes them _very, very_ nervous.

Naruto’s all for it, though. It means only the truly determined have enough guts to come learn from him and lessons are shorter than they might otherwise be. When he’s not discussing healing or sealing techniques, he mostly works on upgrading the filter seal and healing seal while Gaara shows Sasuke and Uroko around Suna. He goes with them a few times and is roundly amused by the reactions their little group gets even after weeks of people seeing them together. _It’s hilarious_. Gaara, of course, inspires terror just by _being_ after so many years of being under Shukaku’s influence and seeing him alert and pointing things out in intelligent tones seems to be more unnerving than him simply walking by muttering would be. Sasuke always looks a little constipated to be in close proximity to Gaara _(well aware of his reputation)_ , but Uroko has _no fear_ and casually invades Gaara’s space and even jumps on him when she’s particularly enthusiastic. Gaara’s eternally baffled reaction to this is _nothing_ on the fascinated horror the residents of Suna regard it with.

And while Sasuke has inadvertently _(on his part)_ gained an overnight reputation as a ridiculously strong chuunin in the course of turning over their captives for their bounties, he’s actually considered the least disturbing of the three of them simply because he displays discomfort _(Uchiha style, but recognizable as such to intent gazes)_ in Gaara’s presence. Naruto’s pretty sure that Sasuke hasn’t yet seen the updated copy of the Suna Bingo book, which has him listed with an _‘Avoid Engaging if at all Possible’_ warning.

Naruto himself is oddly dismissed as being too powerful to be intimidated, and his near-instant reputation as a seal master and medic leave him somehow less intimidating. _Which, honestly, he’s glad of. It’s so bothersome when people cringe if he tries approaching, something he’s experienced in a couple timelines for varying reasons._ His own Bingo book entry is a bit strange. It has a list of his specialties and tokubetsu status of course, but it also says _‘Ally of Suna’_. Which, okay, he’s not Minato’s son for nothing, he knows that’s basically a ban on Suna nin ever attacking him on a mission. _Useful_. Though it does mean he needs to be careful to not take missions that would be directly against Suna’s interests, which was something he was planning on anyways because of Gaara being a friend.

Uroko, on the other hand, gains a reputation of her own as _terrifyingly fearless_. Despite not being a ninja yet, she has her own Bingo book page. If Naruto’s entry is a bit strange, hers is _downright weird._ It lists her skills as _‘Apprentice Uzumaki Seal Master’_ , but that’s hardly the unusual bit. Under that is listed: _‘Personal friend of Gaara of the Bloody Sand’, ‘Close relative of Naruto Uzumaki’, ‘Fiancée of Sasuke Uchiha’._

Naruto is absolutely taking some gratis copies back to Konoha with him, just so he can hand them out and watch expressions when the entries are read.

And if he doesn’t show Sasuke until they are well past Tanigakure and almost to Kisaragi Village? Well, there was no sense in upsetting Sasuke’s time in Suna with something he had no chance of changing to begin with. Right? That it takes Sasuke’s mind of his encroaching boredom with having to keep a civilian pace in deference to Uroko once they leave their client behind in Tanigakure is just a nice bonus.

~

Orochimaru, who has been taking gate duty for the past two days out of sheer curiosity, raises both brows when Sasuke Uchiha returns with a seething look plastered on his face and a tired child in his arms and Naruto Uzumaki’s expression is barely restrained laughter.

“Eventful trip?”

Uzumaki’s expression of wicked glee in response is slightly disturbing in a way he associates with the Hokage’s late wife’s madder schemes.

His brows rise higher when Uzumaki’s answer is to pull a book out of one of the storage seals on his arms and place it in from of him. It looks remarkably like a Suna Bingo book. Short inspection confirms that’s exactly what it is. He flips to the U section, because he can’t think of another reason he’d be handed such a book.

He stills when he sees the _‘Avoid Engaging if at all Possible’_ warning on the emo Uchiha’s profile. Apparently Uzumaki’s brief look of astonishment at the emo child’s status a few months ago had been well founded.

Somehow, given the amount of political pressure the Kazekage had brought to bear with his polite request to retain Uzumaki’s services for a time, it is _less_ shocking to see the unheard of warning _‘Ally of Suna’_ appended to his profile.

Orochimaru is more buying time to find an appropriate reaction than thinking when he flips the page and realizes that _the girl_ has an entry as well. Every bit of it is understated warning. And the fiancée bit… _Itachi is going to flip_. Now he understands the emo child’s rage and Uzumaki’s glee. He steeples his hands and gives Sasuke a polite smile.

“I see. I had not pegged you to be one who lives up to the archetype of _‘a good wife is the making of a man’_. Surprising. Congratulations.”

The steam kettle hiss of exasperation from Sasuke is extremely satisfying.

Now, if he can just ensure a good view of Itachi’s and Danzo’s reactions, he’ll be a _very_ happy Jonin Commander. Voluntarily taking gate duty was _quite_ worth this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suna kindly left 'Blew up the Kyuubi' out of Naruto's profile.  
> Sasuke's has a brief list of the missing nin he brought in himself as something of an explanation as to _why_ to avoid him.  
>  I'm pretty sure it's obvious why nearly everything in Uroko's profile is a blatant warning to not fuck with her if one doesn't want to face some very scary wrathful ninjas. Not to mention that Uzumaki seal masters still have a reputation with older shinobis, so listing her as an Uzumaki apprentice seal master is a pretty strong warning too.  
> I think Orochimaru would absolutely enjoy the havoc Uroko's 'fiancee' entry is likely to provoke.


	9. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life gets complicated for a few people who didn't see it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV: Naruto, Sasuke, Orochimaru, Itachi, Itachi _(Also? Long chapter for this fic. I may have mis-remembered the length I was using for this one.)_  
>  Maa vs Saa  
> So, 'maa-maa' means something like 'not so bad' in a very multi-purpose usage. Placating, commenting, or coaxing, etc.  
> And 'saa' is basically used like 'well' at the beginning of a sentence is.  
> I make no guarantees that I've used them properly in my own writing, however. Particularly the 'maa'.  
> Itachi...I'm sorry, it's boring as hell to write your pov when you're calm. Quit claiming pov for scenes! Arrrgh!

Itachi, when they run into him on their way back to their apartment after filling out mission reports, takes one look at his little brother carrying a half asleep child and quite _obviously_ draws the wrong conclusion. “Otouto, you- I thought you were being discrete.”

Sasuke frowns at him in open puzzlement.

Naruto decides to avoid some inevitable Uchiha style misunderstandings and temper by way of pulling another copy of Suna’s Bingo book out of the storage seal on his arm, flipping it open to Uroko’s page, and shoving it in front of Itachi’s face _before_ Sasuke can work out that Itachi has A. assumed that Uroko is Sasuke’s illegitimate child and B. this surprises him a great deal because he has previously assumed that Sasuke’s lack of interest in women is because he likes men and is simply being discrete about his trysts to avoid the gossip rounds. While Sasuke’s reaction would certainly be entertaining, along with the ensuing chaos, Naruto would rather not deal with a sulking and angry Uroko as well. And if he happens to be blocking Sasuke’s view of Itachi’s traumatized face when he silently mouths “ _Fiancee’”_? Well, that’s probably just as well.

Naruto beams at Itachi, his _I am standing in for the Hokage and I have great expectations of you, so DO NOT fuck this up_ smile. He’s been told that overachievers find this smile particularly terrifying for some reason, but whatever, it works. Which basically means all jonin, and some of the chunin and genin, find it alarming. Of course he only pulls it out when he really needs to, because complaints about top ninjas crying on unsuspecting people and soothing the victims eats up time he could be using to catch up on paperwork. _(He’s pretty sure that was Obito’s or Shisui’s idea, because honestly, what kind of ninja does that to civilians they barely know?)_ Naturally, Itachi reads the look correctly, like the overachieving genius he is, and takes a very tiny step backwards.

He lets Itachi take the Bingo book from his hand without resistance, and steps back out of Sasuke’s direct line of sight as Itachi gets his expression under control.

“I see. Discretion would be rather pointless, in this case. I apologize. I will inform mother that she will be having a new daughter. When is the wedding?”

Naruto chokes, because _really Itachi? You had to go there!?_ “Not until she’s a chunin. Minimum.”

Uroko lifts her head at this. “I can marry Sasuke when I’m a chunin, Naru-nii-san!?”

The amount of excitement in her voice gives him pause, and he amends, “Once you’re a chunin and actually using the Uzumaki council seat, yes.”

She frowns at him. “Council seat?”

“All of Konoha’s clans have a Clan head, who has the right to be heard by their Hokage and by the other Clan heads. Since they generally sit at a table when discussing matters that affect the future of clans or Konoha in general, that right is called a ‘seat’ and the discussion is called a ‘council’. However, many small clans don’t bother using their ‘seats’ unless something is a real problem for their clan. And in ninja matters, the other Clan heads will be unlikely to listen to you until you have some real experience at being a ninja. Likewise, in civilian matters, they would wish to have proof that your opinions and ideas are the result of experience and carefully considered, not just something you came up with on your own.”

“Oh.” She thinks about this, then asks, “But aren’t you the Clan head?”

“While I’m here, yes. But I will eventually be going back to my own timeline, Uroko.” They’ve discussed this before. Apparently she hasn’t yet worked out the implications of that, though. “And when I do, you’ll be Clan head. Which means you need to be strong and smart about it. Clan heads are almost always the strongest ninjas in their clans, because no one wants their clan to look weak. But you have to be smart about it too, because stupid decisions can ruin a clan or make it look weak in a different way. You don’t want people to think the Uzumaki are weak, now do you?”

“Nuh-uh! _And_ I’m going to be as good as Sasuke is, so no one will call the Uzumaki clan weak! And then I can marry Sasuke and everyone will know that Uzumaki wives are the _best_!”

Itachi clears his throat. “You do realize that when you marry Sasuke, you will become an Uchiha?”

 _“What!?”_ Uroko looks shocked and vastly betrayed.

“Well, that’s-” Naruto begins, resisting the urge to glare at Itachi.

Surprisingly, Sasuke cuts him off. “Actually, niisan, I thought I’d take her name.”

_And okay, Naruto’s been pushing this because it’s funny and Sasuke hasn’t stopped him, but Sasuke’s serious about this!? Now he feels like a wicked uncle marrying his ward off to an older man to get her out of his hair. Damnit._

He misses Itachi’s reaction, too preoccupied with his own, but Itachi’s voice is calm when he replies, “I see. I had not thought of that, but it is common in such cases. Otousan may have some objections, but-”

“Tou-san can _fuck off_!” Sasuke opines with a fair amount of venom.

“I am Clan head and he no longer has the authority to override my decision to allow it.” Itachi finishes serenely, as if Sasuke’s interruption doesn’t happen. "However, Uroko, if I might suggest-”

Naruto has a feeling that Itachi’s suggestion is going to be to _surpass_ Sasuke, given that he’s merely a chunin and not a very good one at that. Or so Konoha believes, since Sasuke’s apparently done his best to give that very impression. The suggestion, however, is quite likely to earn Uroko’s instant enmity, so Naruto interrupts. Perkily. “Itachi! Did you see that Sasuke finally got his own Bingo book page?”

Itachi pauses and raises an eyebrow. Naruto keeps his excitable expression steady until the older Uchiha gives in to the change of subject. “Why no.”

“Well, you should look at it! He really impressed the Suna nin.” Maybe _impressed_ isn’t true in the strictest sense, but hey, he certainly made an impression, and the Bingo book page makes it _look_ like they were impressed.

Itachi raises his other brow as well, then lifts the book from where he’s been holding it at his side and opens it to flip through it. He reads silently, then, “Otouto, is this accurate?”

“It is.” Sasuke says in an aggravated tone. “Because _he_ -” He jerks a thumb at Naruto. “Was too busy _taking notes_ to help.”

“Are you _still_ holding a grudge over that?” Naruto asks him in an aggrieved tone. _Uchihas and grudges! Couldn’t he just find_ one _timeline where Uchihas don’t hold grudges like most people drink water?_ “I took out the S rank one and was keeping watch to make sure there weren’t more. Besides, notes on seals that do unexpected things are _important_.”

“You had your back to the client!”

“Uroko was guarding him. I gave her a sleep seal to use. Besides, I’m a sensor, I don’t need to use my eyes to notice someone.”

“If you’re a sensor, then you _knew_ that was all of them!”

“Saa, there’s some ninja who can hide their chakra from a sensor.” _There was that one timeline with the Kodama clan, and he_ never _wants to run into them again._ “Besides, you had them handled. I wonder if you’re in Tani’s Bingo book after turning in Ryouto Doku and the others?”

Sasuke scowls. “I told them that you took them down.”

“Yes, but did you actually _write that down?_ Because it’s your signature on the forms.”

“Hn.” The sound is a little huffy and Sasuke shifts his gaze slightly which is as good as an admission that he hadn’t thought of doing that.

Naruto grins at him. “Just wait until Kumo gets word. I want to see what _they_ put in their Bingo book!”

“Probably ‘ _managed not to die because an unknown Leaf jonin intervened_ ’.” Sasuke says gloomily.

“Yeah, but you managed not to die against _Ryouto Doku_ for long enough for me to take out three other A rank nins; that’s not something just _any_ chunin could do! Believe it! And even I almost wasn’t able to take him down.”

Sasuke sniffs. “Saa, I _am_ an Uchiha. And you _almost dying of a rare spider poison your seals burned out trying to cure_ was hard to miss, idiot.”

“Maa-maa, I survived, and you got us all to Takumi just fine, moron.”

“Only because Uroko kept the clients from freaking out and no one else attacked!”

And well, he can’t deny that, because Sasuke was worse off than he was by the time he woke up.

“Otouto, many ninjas come home safely or complete missions on such luck. While it is not a thing to count on, it is also not a thing to underestimate.” Itachi says, stepping closer, then reaching past Uroko to poke Sasuke’s forehead.

Sasuke yelps and pouts, but Naruto notices that he doesn’t dodge. _The older brother complex is strong in this one._

“And that Uroko could do what you could not is why Konoha ninja work in teams, and why one does not marry one like oneself. Our teammates cover our weaknesses, and we cover theirs. The same is true with a spouse. I know you know this.” Itachi continues. “It also makes Uroko a good choice as your future spouse. And I’m certain you’ll live up to her expectations, ne?”

Uroko looks confused, if pleased.

Naruto yawns. “No offense, Itachi, but I think I need to take these two home and put them to bed. Uroko’s mostly asleep and Sasuke gets murdery urges when he’s low on sleep. Well, that and you’re going to end up having to carry me home if I stand here much longer. I’m about ready to fall asleep standing up.” He’s not, but Itachi doesn’t know him well enough to see through his acting. Or if he does, he doesn’t call him on it at least.

“Of course, …Naruto-kun.”

Okay, tit for tat. He _has_ been kind of rude about using Itachi’s name familiarly, without honorifics. At least he remembered not to call him ‘Itachi-nii’ like he does at home. That’s something, right? Some versions of Itachi have taken _that_ mistake well, but a few took it very, _very_ badly.

~

Sasuke doesn’t say anything until Uroko is in bed asleep.

“Thanks. I can’t believe he’s trying to use Uroko to guilt trip me.”

Naruto gives him a look of surprise for some reason, then wrinkles his nose. “Itachi’s too fond of mind games. I mean, he isn’t wrong, but it’s not like you don’t know all that.”

“What do you mean _‘isn’t wrong’_?”

“Saa, those Kumo nin are going to get ransomed back to Kumo without much fuss, I’m sure, but it’s not like they’re going to admit that all four of them got taken down by an unknown jonin and a barely average chunin, like you seem to think you are.  Your name isn’t terribly common. I think in my version of Konoha, and this one isn’t _that_ different, there’s like four others _total_ in the village with that name, all civilians. And the eyes are a pretty good giveaway that you’re an Uchiha. It might take them a while to figure out who I am, but you? They’re going to play up the Uchiha bit and make you out as being on the fast track to jonin, because it’s _embarrassing_ that we took them down so easily. And it’s not like it’s a secret what happens to ninja who inadvertently get a reputation far above their skills. You can’t marry Uroko if you’re _dead_ , after all.”

 _“Fuck!”_ He definitely had not thought of that, although he feels very…stupid to have to have this explained to him by the blond idiot. “So you’re saying that I _have_ to be a jonin if I ever want to step foot outside Konoha again.”

Naruto tilts his head. “Well, no. You don’t have to, but you should at least brush up your skills to high chunin if you want to survive long term. And if you want _Uroko_ to, since convincing her to surpass you might be a lot harder than you’d think. Uzumakis are nothing if not stubborn and loyal. And as Clan head, she should really become a jonin at some point, if you want the clan to become respected again. And if it ever occurs to her that there might be other cousins out there that she can _rescue_ , well.” He pauses, then asks curiously, “Are you really going to marry Uroko? I was actually teasing, you know.”

He gives the idiot blond the look _that_ deserves, then admits, “Yes, I am. Do you know how badly I want to be out of the Uchiha clan? Or the number of people in Konoha who see _me_ instead of Itachi’s lazy little brother or Fugaku’s failed son? Two. And they both are Uzumakis. Your clan may be _crazy_ , but- Worst case I was going to marry a civilian, the most disgraceful one I could find, and get myself disowned.”

Naruto snorts. “Yeah, right. Itachi disowning you? You are seriously underestimating how much he loves you. But I get what you’re saying. Believe it. And I won’t put it in Uroko’s head about the cousins, because they may or may not be _actually_ crazy, depending on this timeline’s series of events.”

It’s infuriating that he’s positive that the idiot blond actually _does_ understand. And he’s _fucking_ jealous of his counterpart who got to grow up with him as his friend. Naruto’s the first person who’s ever said something like, _‘I know you can do it simply because you’re you, no matter what’_. Even Itachi, _especially_ Itachi, has always seen him through the filter of ‘little brother’. And Uroko? Well, his reaction to her might be a little childish, but she’s the first person who’s _ever_ said, _‘I want to be like you’_ and not meant it sarcastically. She wants him to be hers, and that means a lot, given that many of the other ninjas would prefer not being sent on missions with him and even civilians tend to look him askance. Not because of his low skills at a ninja, he’s met others with equally poor skills, but because he’s _Fugaku’s son and Itachi’s little brother_ and he just doesn’t live up to the standards that they think he should automatically meet.

“Insane? How much damage could they do?”

The shrug he gets conveys deep unease. “I’ve been in a couple timelines where one of them obliterated Konoha. Resurrected the people, mostly, after. Another is a sensor better than me, with that healing kekkai genkai that Uroko mentioned when we first met. She can heal up teammates from fatal damage a number of times. In my timeline we found her too late, and she died of chakra exhaustion from healing too many patients. In others, where Orochimaru is rogue, she’s an enemy of Konoha. I don’t- Saa, I don’t really know beyond that. Uroko’s the first relative besides those two I’ve met in a timeline similar enough to ours that Uzushiogakure still got wiped out.”

Sasuke grimaces, but he knows forewarned is better than not knowing. “He _destroyed_ Konoha? What are his weaknesses? And there’s timelines that Uzushio survived in?”

Naruto frowns. “His paths all share a line of sight. Other than that, I’m not sure? Oh, and he’s kind of okay with letting himself be talked out of staying a villain. The other ‘me’s tend to manage it, at least.”

Given how fast Naruto can get into and talk them out of trouble, Sasuke strangely has no trouble believing that. Particularly after watching him befriend Gaara like it was entirely normal.

“Oh, right! Uzushio. So, like, I guess in those timelines the Sannin did something that _really_ pissed off the Sandaime, so he sent them on ‘vacation’ to Uzushio rather than back to the front lines. And the attackers weren’t expecting _them_ , so while a bunch of people died, a lot of them lived, too. And the Sannin get treated really well there, so they go there a lot when they’re huffy about life. I think Orochimaru pretty much lives there because people actually have intelligent conversations with him about experiments and stuff.”

“Hn.” He has...no trouble at all picturing that, despite the fact that the Jonin Commander is far too busy for experimentation on a regular basis.

~

Orochimaru takes one look at the tiny curve to Itachi’s lips and the slightly blank look in his eyes and sighs. “You already saw the Bingo book, didn’t you?”

Itachi blinks and focuses on him. Then smiles. “You were hoping to surprise me with it? I was on my way to inform Hokage-sama, since I believe those three will not report until tomorrow, and he should know about it before my parents do.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Itachi gives him a look that says he’s not misled about Orochimaru’s motivations at all, but not unamused, either. “I would appreciate that. I suspect that it may be difficult to convince him that the Uzumaki clan should be perpetuated, rather than him attempting to adopt her.”

Orochimaru stares at him, considering that, then smirks. “And why is that important?”

“Naruto-kun set conditions for her to marry Sasuke. She must be at least a chunin and holding down the Uzumaki Clan head seat on the council before she can marry him. I do not think I would like to see Sasuke’s reaction should he be denied the chance to marry her.”

There is a twitch of amusement from Orochimaru at Itachi’s choice of address for Naruto, followed by mild intrigue as he listens. “Fascinating. You intend to allow it?”

For the first time, Itachi looks faintly embarrassed. “Given his apparent utter lack of interest, I was convinced that he liked men and was simply being discrete in his liaisons.”

He does not make a habit of speculating on the sex lives of others, but he can somewhat relate to the misconception, at least in Sasuke’s case. “Maa, I was convinced that his utter lack of interest in being a ninja meant he didn’t have the skills to do better.”

Itachi’s mouth thins in annoyance, but Orochimaru doesn’t miss that he makes no protest to this. Apparently he was _equally_ convinced of this. Interesting. Perhaps his speculation that Sasuke had merely gotten his rank as chunin to get away from his father is correct after all. Fugaku never had quite figured out that a little praise could do wonders for a subordinate’s morale. And even Orochimaru knows that applies equally to children.

~

Itachi lets Orochimaru show the Bingo book to the Hokage.

Mostly because he is certain that Shimura will be more comfortable having his Jonin Commander do it than the Uchiha Clan head. Despite the fact that old tensions between the Shimura clan and the Uchiha clan have been resolved over time, Shimura has a long memory and will forever suspect possible hostility from the Uchihas due to Madara’s rage and subsequent defection. Never mind that Itachi wasn’t even _born_ then. But he knows that reflexes instilled in times of war and turbulence are nearly impossible to overcome. So Itachi respectfully keeps a polite distance when he can, and Shimura does him the favor of not constantly assuming he comes with hostile intentions.

Of course the sheer amusement Orochimaru will get out of the thing is worth considering too. A happy Jonin Commander is much easier to live with than a sulky one. His clan will not thank him if he deprives Orochimaru of this small pleasure. Better a little courtesy than a month of complaints about _disturbing_ mission assignments.

He never goes so far as to actually endanger missions by assigning those unsuited to them, of course. However, that _does not_ mean that he cannot and will not assign them to those who will be deeply perturbed by them. And if an entire clan gets that treatment it is _always, always_ the fault of the Clan head, the Clan heir, or one of the Clan elders. It had apparently taken his father a few years to understand that the Uchiha police force was not immune, much less the Uchiha who were ninjas who hadn’t joined the force. Itachi is inclined to believe that it was more stubbornness than slow learning, though.

Though there had been that one time…

That time where _all active shinobi_ got that treatment at the same time, and they finally traced it back to _the Hokage_ having pissed Orochimaru off thoroughly. Needless to say, eventually people had compared notes and _all_ the Clan heads, along with the heads of T&I and the hospital, and a lot of clanless ninjas had shown up collectively to demand that Shimura apologize before they rebelled. _The Incident_ has not been repeated, but whether that was because the Hokage had forbidden Orochimaru from causing such widescale havoc again or because he’d actually apologized and been careful not to do it again is anyone’s guess.

To be fair, what he can see of Shimura’s changing expression is quite amusing. There is startlement as he reads Sasuke’s page, raised eyebrows followed by calculation as he reads Naruto’s, and then utter shock that quickly morphs into a strange mixture of pleasure and dismay followed by a flash of determination as he reads Uroko’s. It’s understandable that Orochimaru wanted a clear view of his reactions, given how much he enjoys mind games.

“Is there a reason that you two are bringing this to my attention, rather than Uzumaki and Sasuke?” The Hokage sounds vaguely annoyed at the probability that he is likely the last to know.

“Saa, I was on gate duty when they came in.” Orochimaru says easily. _Lying in wait_ , Itachi translates.

“I ran into them near Sasuke’s apartment, Hokage-sama.” Itachi admits. There is no surprise to be had there, other than convenient timing, given it’s one of the routes he takes often out of habit of checking on his otouto. He had not known they were due back. “However, after speaking with them and noting their interactions, I thought to come speak with you before my father hears of it. I approve of the marriage, and of Sasuke taking the Uzumaki name, so that the clan may continue. And you should, perhaps, be aware that part of Naruto-kun’s conditions for the marriage to go forth involve Uroko taking up a Clan council seat.

Shimura opens his mouth, pauses, then closes it. After a moment, he asks, “You are actively for this marriage, not simply tolerant of it?”

Itachi inclines his head. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“To my knowledge, Uzumakis are steadfast in their affections and she is intent on marrying him. In addition, it was Sasuke’s idea that he take her clan name. While I do not doubt that he has more than one reason for the decision, he has never expressed interest in any relationship prior to this. At least to my knowledge.”

“Or mine.” Orochimaru adds, tone thoughtful, standing sideways so he can see both of them now. “While he was irritated at Naruto-kun, presumably for teasing him prior to coming in, I did note that he made no effort to deny the engagement when I commented on it.”

Itachi shifts his gaze to Orochimaru’s face for a moment, wondering why the older man is helping, then decides that he’s probably enjoying thwarting Shimura’s thought to adopt the girl, _clear from that flash of determination earlier_ , while simultaneously ensuring that Itachi owes him a favor. Well, he supposes that he _did ask_.

Shimura makes a complicated face, something between sour and resigned and admiring. “I should have expected that, I suppose. Uzumakis are nothing if not stubborn, and my Kushina’s boy is definitely an Uzumaki. Determined to go home, but I did try to convince him to stay. Perhaps this is his way of trying to fulfill my request, by making sure his clan continues. Trust an Uzumaki to get ahold of the wrong end of things. Very well. The Uzumaki were our allies, and they will have a seat on the Clan council. I will admit, though, I think my Kushina would have happily adopted the girl as her own.”

Abrupt, surprised amusement flits through Orochimaru’s amber eyes, and Itachi wonders what about Shimura’s words startled him.

After a few moments the silence grows awkward and Itachi offers a bit lamely, “I would think that you could spend time with her now and then, perhaps tell her about Kushina. Or other Uzumaki, if you knew any. Kids tend to enjoy stories.”

Shimura brightens at this. “An excellent idea. Thank you, Itachi.”

Itachi has the odd feeling that Shimura has somehow misunderstood something, but merely inclines his head. A man is entitled to his own mistakes, after all.

~

“Itachi, did you take my container of ginger mochi?”

Itachi freezes for a moment, because while his mother likes ginger cookies and likes mochi, the last time he recalls her making ginger mochi she was pregnant with Sasuke. And she kept misplacing them in strange places for the entire length of the pregnancy. Silently, he opens the freezer, since it was the most common place for her to lose them last time. Fortunately, they are there. He hands her the container, and asks uneasily, “Kaa-san, are you pregnant?”

She gives him a funny look. “I’m too old to be pregnant.”

He pauses, because he actually doesn’t know when women stop being able to have babies from age. Then asks cautiously, “Do you remember the last time you made ginger mochi?”

“Of course. I was pregnant with Sasu…ke. Oh. _That’s_ why your father said he needed a drink and shut himself in his office.”

Well, technically it’s _Itachi’s_ office these days, since he’s taken over as Clan head, but he understands what she means. “Quite likely. I, of course, can only make a guess as to your condition, but even if you are not pregnant, perhaps it would be good to be looked over by a medic.”

Mikoto grimaces. “I will.” Then she sees the Bingo book still in his hand and raises a brow. “New update? I thought we got a new issue last month?”

Itachi blinks, then remembers. “Oh, this is Suna’s new update. Sasuke and his fiancée both have entries in it.”

Worry crosses her face. “I thought you said he was on an escort mission to Suna. What happened? Wait, fiancée?”

“I believe Suna was merely impressed by the number of missing nin he brought in on his own while his partner took care of an S rank missing nin. As for the Uzumaki girl, I am not sure where they picked her up, but Sasuke is determined to marry her, enough so that he plans to take the Uzumaki name.”

Mikoto pauses and stares at him. “ _Sasuke_ took down multiple missing nin? _How!?_ ”

“It seems that he always had the skills and just had no motivation to use them. Or perhaps Naruto-kun taught him something. I didn’t ask, to be honest.”

“I-I see.” Then she promptly bursts into tears, slamming the container of mochi onto the counter and looking proud. “My baby boy finally has a Bingo book entry! Let me see!”

Itachi hands the Bingo book over gingerly. He rather _hopes_ it’s pregnancy, because to be perfectly frank, he has an absolute lack of urge to know what else could possibly cause her to act this way.

“Oh, Kami! _Two_ C ranked, and _three_ B ranked! _Three!_ My baby boy took down _five_ missing nin! I have to show Fugaku this!”

“I- Uh.” Itachi gives up, because she’s already striding off. She _never_ moves that fast unless she’s on a mission or training. It’s easy to forget sometimes that his gentle, oh-so-normal kaa-san is a jonin. Well, he was going to show his father anyways.

He walks in just in time to hear Fugaku say in a dismiss tone, “Itachi could do that much while he was a genin.”

Itachi pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “That is incorrect. I _was_ able to kill one jonin level missing nin, but only because he was injured, concussed, and had no idea that I was there. I most certainly could _not_ have taken out two chunin and three jonin by myself as a genin. And even for me, holding off Ryouto Doku as he is now as a chunin would have been extremely difficult.”

Fugaku frowns at him. “There’s no mention of Ryouto Doku. And I think we’d have heard if he’d gone missing nin.”

“Correct. Apparently that was an earlier encounter, where Sasuke held his own long enough to let Naruto-kun take out three other A ranked Kumo nin. They were arguing about it. Something about Naruto-kun almost dying of a rare spider poison.”

Both his parents blanch and his father runs his hands through his hair in a stressed motion. “ _Kami!_ Danzo would have been _insufferable_ if Kushina’s boy had died. What was Sasuke _thinking?”_

“Since he saved Naruto-kun’s life, I believe he was thinking very well.” Itachi says a little stiffly. It’s greatly annoying that their father _still_ insists on treating Sasuke as if all his efforts amount to nothing if they do not measure up to Itachi’s achievements.

“Hn.” Fugaku flips the page of the Bingo book in clear annoyance at being reproached. “ _Ally of Suna!?_ What the hell? How can a single person be an _ally_ of an entire nation? What did he _do!?”_

Itachi has to stop and think about it. To be _quite_ honest, at the time he’d been _far_ more interested in knowing Sasuke was alive and well, and when he was expected back. “Hokage-sama said he…oh. He healed the retired Yondaime Kazekage’s older son from paralysis that no one else could reverse. Um. And…invented? I think he invented it. Invented a healing seal that he was willing to teach to them. Something like that. Oh, and fixed Gaara of the Bloody Sand’s seal so apparently he’s not as crazy now.”

Both his parents stare at him in shock. Finally his mother says, “Invented a seal? No one’s _invented_ a seal since Namikaze died. And I think the last one he _finished_ was the stasis scrolls for severely injured living people after Rin and Kakashi managed to do it by sheer luck with Obito and he decided it was _super useful_ but needed tweaking.”

Come to think of it, she was probably right, and very few people had actually _met_ Naruto-kun so far, so perhaps they didn’t know. He knew, of course. All the Clan heads did, simply because Shimura was so disturbed by the fact. “Saa, in his own timeline, his father is Minato Namikaze. He looks much like him, as well.”

Fugaku humphs. “Well, if he _did_ invent a medical seal or technique, he’d best plan on teaching it to Tsunade as well if he doesn’t want to get punched through several walls.”

Itachi decides it’s not worth addressing and moves on. “If you go to the next page, you will see his fiancée’s entry.”

“ _Fiancée?_ Since when does Sasuke have a fiancée?” Fugaku demands and flips the page, then glowers. “A child? He’s marrying a _child?_ ”

In a very calm tone, he replies, “He is engaged to the Uzumaki clan heiress, and they will marry when she is legally an adult and has taken up certain duties. At that time, he will take her clan name.”

“I forbid it!”

Itachi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Otouto-san, I have already approved the marriage and name change as Clan head, and have made this clear to Hokage-sama. Uzumaki is an old and proud clan, and letting it disappear would be doing Konoha a grave disservice. The Uzumaki clan specialty in seals would be wasted within the Uchiha clan, and such skills are invaluable. You may, of course, attempt to persuade Sasuke from his course, but do not expect a warm reception to the notion.”

Fugaku buries his head in his hands, muttering. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed this morning. I _knew_ it! Now I have a wife having a late age baby and my feckless second son is disowning himself from the family!”

 _“Dear?”_ Mikoto’s tone is extremely sweet. Itachi takes one glance and hastily begins retreating. “Did you just call me _old lady?_ ”

Fugaku takes a second to process her words, then his head jerks up in alarm. “Of cour-”

Itachi winces and closes the office door gently to the sound of his father hitting the floor, chair and all. He makes a note to check later to see if he needs a medic’s attention. Then he grimaces as he realizes that he left the Bingo book on the desk. Well, hopefully it will survive relatively intact, because there is _no way_ he is going into the same room as a very angry, pregnant jonin who believes she’s just been called old just to retrieve a Bingo book. He’s fairly certain that even the Shinigami wouldn’t brave _that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke has issues. Mostly with his father and clan, but some of them extend to the whole of Konoha as far as he's concerned.  
> What? You didn't think a lawful neutral version of Orochimaru _wouldn't_ be an absolute troll, did you? He gets boooored.  
>  And the temper on him. Whew! As it turns out, Danzo apologized _and_ ordered him not to do it again, but has been much more careful to not provoke Orochimaru to such an extent since, because he's well aware that Orochimaru may just choose to pretend he never heard the order.  
>  Itachi thinks of Danzo as 'Shimura' but speaks of him as 'Hokage-sama'. He's a bit stiff and formal about honorifics. He's decided that Naruto has been a surprisingly good friend to Sasuke from what he's seen, and thus he's making an effort to be friendly by calling him 'Naruto-kun', though it doesn't exactly come across that way to Naruto.  
> So, I was _trying_ for a weird pregnancy combo of ginger cookies and mochi, but then I found out it's an actual thing and used for certain types of events in a given year. So _fail_. But Mikoto generally makes them separate rather than making ginger mochi, only making ginger mochi when she's pregnant, and then she proceeds to misplace them at random for the entire time she's pregnant.  
>  Basically? She's one of those women who actually act sort of nuts the entire time she's pregnant, and has the skills to be extremely scary when she loses it. The Uchihas old enough to remember know to walk softly, talk calmly, make no sudden moves, and run quickly when she's pregnant. Fugaku _really does_ know better, and should have started that sentence with "No!"  
>  Yes, she's actually pregnant. At around age 51, thus Fugaku's comment. It's uncommon for a woman to get pregnant that late in life, but some have done so even later in life. However, such pregnancies are often more dangerous to both mother and child. Fugaku knows this and he's so busy freaking out about _that_ and being a father again that he completely forgot to watch his words. And Sasuke is sort of a sore spot for him. He really doesn't get what he's doing wrong, despite efforts to tell him, and tends to feel that Sasuke is just spiting him by refusing to be as good as Itachi or better.


	10. Different Understandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fugaku dwells, Kakashi poofs, Tsunade knocks things down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pfft! I'm tired of fighting this chapter. Have a chapter.

Fugaku stares up at the ceiling, wondering where he went wrong. _Well, other than accidentally implying that his wife is old._ That one’s pretty obvious. Also the reason he has no intention of moving _at all_ until forced to. It’s been a long time since he was last bitch stomped by a pregnant Mikoto, but either _he_ is getting old, or he’s deliberately misremembered _how much it hurts_.

Nothing he can’t handle, of course. He _is_ a shinobi, even if he’s not on active duty any more. _Besides, Mikoto’s so pretty when she’s angry._

He’s not stupid enough to tell her that, of course. Making _that mistake_ once was more than enough. They’d been dating at the time and she’d put him in the hospital. His teammates had shown up to check on him, taken one look at his goofy smile _(he was on painkillers, okay!?)_ , and opined that, _“Uchihas have weird kinks, Fugaku.”_

Which is a completely unfair assessment. It isn’t a kink. Mikoto _is_ pretty when she’s angry, even if she’s also a terrifying force of nature descending on one. Others had never understood why she was such good friends with Kushina, but it was _obvious_ to him. Under the surface, they were kindred souls.

A severe lightning storm is no less dangerous than a hurricane, after all, no matter the difference in scope of power.

And Sasuke takes after his mother so much. It’s entirely understandable that he’d be attracted to an Uzumaki. Which is fine. That’s not the problem. Well, it is. But no, not really.

The real problem is that his second son, the one he loves _most_ , even though he shouldn’t have favorites, hates him. Hates him enough to ignore his own potential. Hates him enough that _now_ , now that he’s found a _reason_ to use his potential, he’s willing to cast aside his own name and clan to spite him.

He doesn’t understand it. He never has. He’s always done his best by the boy, who is so like Mikoto, the love of his life. Never failed to point out when he could improve, because he knows that for all Itachi’s genius, Sasuke has the potential to _surpass_ him. Itachi has always had the duties of clan heir and then clan head tying him down and it _limits_ him. There’s no way it could be otherwise. He’s been in Itachi’s shoes. He _knows_. And Itachi is… Well, he’s proud of his oldest son. He _loves_ him. It’s just… Well, Itachi is Itachi. There’s no one else like him, and Fugaku can never fathom what is passing through his mind. It’s impossible to understand him.

The thing is, _Itachi_ understands why Sasuke hates him and won’t tell him why. He resents him for it, too. And Fugaku can’t help but resent him right back a little for failing to explain so he can _fix it_.

_Damn it!_

Fugaku closes his eyes and sighs. He should really move before his abused muscles stiffen up.

~

“Minato sensei?” _There’s no way._

At first Kakashi thinks he’s going to be ignored, until the young man pauses and turns with a bright smile. “No, sorry. I am his son, though. Y’know, from a different timeline, where he and my mom got married.”

_Oh right, the timeline traveler. Why hadn’t he thought of that?_

Probably because he’d assumed the rumors were untrue. He grimaces. “Sorry.”

“No need to be. I’m used to it at this point. This isn’t the first timeline I’ve fallen into. How are Rin-nee and Obito-nii doing these days?”

Kakashi blinks, because _what?_ Why would-? Oh. Of course. “… They’re fine. And how is Minato sensei these days?”

Unbelievably, the smile brightens even more. “He’s doing great, dattebayo! Still ditching Hokage duties to come up with new fuiinjutsu. He still likes the time/space ones best, which I kind of wish he’d get over cuz I keep falling through scrolls he leaves around, but it’s probably safer than having him focus on mousetraps or something.”

Kakashi decides that he doesn’t want to touch the mousetrap thing with a stick, even a very long stick, and he can’t picture Minato ditching anything, quite honestly. “… ‘dattebayo’?”

The blond cocks his head. “Ah. You don’t know? My mom’s Kushina Uzumaki. I’m Naruto Uzumaki. And you’re Kakashi-nii. Or do you prefer Kakashi sensei?”

 _Well, that explains why the rumors about Lord Hokage wanting to adopt him._ “Wait. That violent weirdo married _Minato sensei?_ She never gave him the time of day.”

Naruto wrinkles his nose and complains, “That is _so weird_. This is the _only_ timeline I’ve been in where she married _Danzo_ , and I’ve been in quite a few. I mean, she and my dad didn’t get married in all of them or anything, but they at least dated in most of them. And you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you what Danzo did in most of them. Or even Orochimaru. But it’s weirder to see Danzo being actually good. So I guess him marrying mom had some upsides. It’s still creepy though.”

This is giving him a headache. He doesn’t even _want_ to know. “And here I thought Obito was the strange one.”

The blond just laughs. “No need to be mean, Kakashi-nii. Oh, hey! You haven’t met my little cousin yet, have you?”

A chill goes down his spine and his eyes narrow. He knows what this kind of introduction leads to. _Nope, nope, nope._ He feels absolutely no guilt about shunshinning away without replying.

~

Naruto smirks after Kakashi, then dodges on instinct.

“Hey! You damned brat!”

He winces as the street cracks and crumbles under the blow. _Someone’s not going to appreciate that D rank._ “What’s the big idea, baa-chan?”

“Don’t you ‘baa-chan’ me, you brat! What were you thinking, giving Suna medical seals before you gave them to Konoha!?”

An awning post shatters under the next blow, followed by loud cursing from civilians. “Aww, but baa-chan, Konoha doesn’t _need_ them. Our medical sys-”

Her eyes flash and he has to dodge twice as the electrical pole breaks and falls, bringing down wires with it. “Don’t you. _Dare._ Say Konoha doesn’t need those. Brat!”

_Okay, she’s serious about this._

“I have copies for you! Besides, I made a couple better ones for you!” he yelps, cringing but not dodging the next blow because there’s wires sparking everywhere and if he moves she’s likely to hit one instead and land herself in the hospital.

The fist pauses a mere centimeter from his forehead.

“Oh, you did, did you?” she asks ominously.

He decides she’ll probably quit trying to kill him if he hands them over promptly, and pulls a stack of medical seals prepared for her out of one of the storage seals on his arms. “The five on bottom are improvements or ones Suna doesn’t have at all.”

She glares at him a moment later, then snatches them with a “Hmphf!” and walks off at a dignified pace, already studying them.

Naruto looks around him and sighs. Undoubtedly the Hokage will make him pay for this, which will probably require a few high ranked missions to cover.

_Nothing like starting off his stay in debt._

He should have known that Tsunade wouldn’t be patient enough to let him come to her. _Patient, baa-chan is not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I implying that Mikoto has a wind release and lightning release? Why yes, I am. For this fic, at least. Mikoto is named after the god of summer storms, apparently, so why not? Besides, Sasuke has that lightning affinity. There’s no real reason he shouldn’t have gotten it from her side. Kushina had a wind release, water release, and yin release. Kind of funny. With that hair of hers, I almost expected it to be fire. Silly me.


End file.
